Chris Masterjohn PhD

Halfway-there copywriting and how to fix it

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Today I want to quickly point out an insidious copywriting mistake which affects newbies — and experienced copywriters alike.

To set it up, let me bring back an email I received yesterday from from Chris Masterjohn, PhD. The subject line read:

“I’m now *giving away* my affiliate commissions… to YOU!”

Huh? When this email first appeared in my inbox, I ignored it. When I finally gave it a skim, this “commissions” idea just left me confused.

That’s because this subject line, and the opening sentences of the email that follow, are a typical example of halfway-there copywriting. Here’s what I mean.

The first thing they will tell you about copywriting is, “Talk benefits. Explain to the reader what’s in it for him.” And that’s what Chris is trying to do with the subject line above.

The background is that Chris has a membership program. One of the perks of the program is that you can get discounts on various health products he recommends.

The trouble is, nobody will ever read Chris’s subject line and say,

“Oh I see where this is going. I buy those products that I want through Chris’s affiliate link. He of course gets an affiliate commission. He then refunds his affiliate commission to me, and I get the product at a discount! That’s great! Where do I sign up?”

Nobody will ever say that, because it’s far from obvious.

The copy is to blame for this. But just so we’re clear, I’m not pointing fingers at Chris. He’s not a pro copywriter. And like I said, this is a mistake that happens even to the pros.

For example, one of the most revealing things I’ve learned since starting to work with my copywriting coach is just how common this issue is even in my own copy.

You think you’re telling the reader what he wants to hear. But you’re still far away from it. You’re too much into the product… into the mechanism… into the brilliant story you’re telling… into your own goals.

The result is that you say something “halfway there”. You’re sure the reader will be able to make the leap and grasp the significance… but you’re wrong.

The reader will be left confused. He’ll walk away. And you’ll lose the sale.

One easy way out from this sad fate is simply to have another person read your copy. A fresh set of eyes can spot these mistakes.

But there’s also a mechanical fix: Just use the phrase “so you can…”

“I’m giving away my affiliate commissions… so you can buy your favorite health products at a discount… so you can save $33 on your next 200 lbs. purchase of grass-fed beef liver.”

I think you get the idea. ​​And of course, if you’re crammed for space, just strip away some of the less compelling stuff at the start. So you can have a crisp and effective subject line. So you can get people to read about your great offer. So you can make filthy heaps of money. So you can come back here and tell me all about it.

A creative way to justify a continuity product

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I wanna quickly dissect an email I got today from one Chris Masterjohn, PhD. Two reasons why:

1. It describes a creative offer that’s interesting if you’re into marketing

2. It offers a lesson in halfway-there copywriting

First, a tiny spec of background. Over the past 10 years, I’ve spent a lot of time reading alternative medicine sites, both for work and for my own own hypochondriac reasons. I’ve become jaded and skeptical because most of them are junk, and because most of the “doctors” who promote them aren’t doctors at all, but chiropractors, podiatrists, or at best, English literature PhD’s.

But not Chris Masterjohn, PhD.

Chris is not a medical doctor but he has a legit doctorate — in Nutritional Sciences, from the University of Connecticut — and that’s relevant because he mostly talks about the latest science behind nutrition and healthy living. And these days, he’s one of the few people I read and trust when it comes to matters of, which vitamin, which diet, etc.

So Chris Masterjohn, PhD sent out an email today to his list, and he announced an interesting offer:

If you’re part of his $15/month continuity program (monthly Zoom call + other stuff), and you buy any of the products that Chris endorses (supplements, mail-order beef, blue-blocking sunglasses), he will, via PayPal, refund you the affiliate commission he gets.

In other words, his continuity program acts like a discount club for the health-obsessed. If you’re already buying dung heaps of pills and powders and sleep optimization gadgets, you can now get between 5%-50% off their regular price, assuming you buy the ones that Chris recommends (and why wouldn’t you, since he’s smart and he digs through the research for you).

I thought this was a great idea. People love discount clubs to begin with. For the right kind of person, this can easily pay for the monthly subscription fee, even several times over. And even for the non-right type of person, it might be a sufficient reason to justify joining Chris’s continuity program.

In fact, I think that with a bit of massage, this discount club idea could be positioned as a standalone product. That might be something for you to think about, in case you’re looking for a continuity program to add on to your existing business.

But there was a second thing in Chris Masterjohn, PhD’s email, and that’s a copywriting lesson. But my one-track mind can’t handle that different direction today. So let’s talk about it tomorrow.

In the meantime, if you wanna save money on your Wild Salmon Subscription Boxes or your $600 chiliPAD, here’s where you can find Chris and his health-conscious Costo club:

https://chrismasterjohnphd.com/