Copywriting

Shooting off a couple of impossible bullets

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An impossible bet

There’s a video of Ricky Jay at the end of a poker night, doing one last trick for his friends.

He fills a glass with water, puts a playing card on top of it. He then rolls up a second playing card into a little tube and puts this on top of the first playing card, and then puts an egg on top of the tube. “Here’s the bet,” he tells the rest of the guys. “I bet you that by throwing a card I can make the egg land inside the glass. Do I have any takers?”

It’s an impossible bet. The glass is covered by a card so there’s no way for the egg to get through. And all he’s got is some playing cards to throw. Of course, somebody takes him up on the bet. And yet, he throws the card, and gets the egg in the glass.

Today, I worked on a sales page for a video course on cryptocurrency investing. 80% of the sales page was bullets. Warning and danger bullets. Straight up benefit bullets. Curiosity bullets. And peppered in among these, a special breed, which I call impossibility bullets:

  • How to get an extra 10% return on your Bitcoin investment — even if the price doesn’t move one bit
  • How to take advantage of a crypto bull run — even while you sleep
  • How to safely use your cryptocurrencies — even on a computer infected with malware

Now that I’ve pulled them out, I realized they all had the same format:

HOW TO [GENERIC BENEFIT] — EVEN IF [SEEMINGLY INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE]

In all 3 cases, the bullets wrote themselves, because there was an underlying mechanism which offered a surprising benefit. At the same time, I don’t think I could get away with these kinds of bullets too often — people would get skeptical instead of curious. (Unfortunately, copywriting isn’t a magic show — and people don’t like to be fooled by a sales page.) In this case, I think it will work, because the remaining 90% of the bullets are more moderate, and because there is other proof throughout the rest of the copy.

The only way to evaluate copy

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Three wise men doing a copy critique

Professor Skridlov: Father Giovanni, how can you stay here instead of returning to Italy and giving the people there something of the faith which you are now inspiring in me?

Father Giovanni: Ah Professor. You do not understand man’s psyche as well as you know archeology. Faith cannot be given to men. Faith is not the result of thinking. It comes from direct knowledge.

I started re-reading Gene Schwartz’s Breakthrough Advertising. And right on the first page, he offers this warning:

“Copy cannot create desire for a product. It can only take the hopes, dreams, fears and desires in the hearts of millions of people, and focus those already-existing desires on a particular product.”

And here’s another related quote, this from Gary Halbert:

“You know, I’m sick to death of people who can’t be bothered with the little nitty-gritty details of “hands on” experience. Of people who believe that somehow they can know a thing without experiencing it. Listen: It is possible to be “conversant” with something and really not have any kind of “gut understanding” of it at all. I’m sorry, but no matter what your Mommy and Daddy told you, men can never really understand the pain of childbirth, priests cannot comprehend the joys of sex, “normies” can never understand alcoholics, and not one speck of true advertising wisdom has ever been written by a PhD.”

And finally, a bit from a recent Ben Settle email:

“This is, btw, why I don’t do critiques anymore. (Besides the fact I hate doing copywriting critiques) As Doug D’Anna put it in the same interview: ‘How can I offer somebody a copywriting critique on a piece of sales copy for a product or a prospect that I am 100 percent unfamiliar with?'”

Here’s how this ties together in my head.

Nobody can really judge good copy unless they are a prospect and ready to buy. Nice-sounding copy can bomb. Awful copy can sell.

So how do you write good copy? Research is important. So is experience. So is intuition. Then there’s feedback from other experts.

All that stuff is great, but ultimately, none of it is conclusive.

Fortunately, direct response copywriting is one area where we don’t have to agree to disagree. We can know which appeal is best. Even if we cannot see inside people’s hearts, and even though we cannot have their problems (or faith). And that’s simply through sales.

A bizarre example of disconnected infotainment

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Photographer Leopold Kanzler worked with this beaver for two weeks hiding apple slices in his camera to get this shot. “I’m not sure who had more fun, me or the beaver, but it seemed more than happy with receiving so many tasty treats.”

I just finished reading the Dartboard Pricing book from Sean D’Souza. It’s the first of his paid products that I’ve read. And there were many things from this book, besides the content, that I thought were worth adopting.

Once upon a time I read an article of Sean’s on the topic of infotainment. He had various bits of advice, and one of them was something like:  “You can connect or disconnect the entertaining part to the information part at will.”

In other words, if you are writing an email or a blog post or a book, it’s important that the email or blog post or book is fun to read. It’s also important that it has valuable content. The entertainment and the content can be connected, but they don’t always have to be.

In Sean’s Pricing book, he has lots of what you could call infotainment. Cartoons. Stories. And then, there’s a recipe for chicken biryani, spread over 3 pages.

The cartoons and stories tie into the content of the book. The chicken biryani does not, at least as far as I can see.

To sum up, connect or disconnect the infotainment at will. But my gut feeling is — there’s value in occasionally disconnected infotainment — it keeps people surprised and gives a sense of wonder.

I don’t think it’s something to do all the time. But once in a while, it’s better to throw in something fun and bizarre, rather than fun but reasonable.

How to sell probiotics with a lesson from Lucky Strike cigarettes

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There’s a scene in the TV show Mad Men where the main character, Don Draper, hits on a moment of advertising brilliance.

Don has been tasked with coming up with a new ad campaign for Lucky Strike cigarettes.

But he hasn’t come up with anything.

And so he’s sitting in the meeting with the client, and it’s going terribly. Since he hasn’t come up with anything, he has to hand over the reins to a junior copywriter who pitches an angle that flops.

The frustrated and disappointed clients get up to leave.

And in that moment, Don hits on his inspired idea:

“We’ve got 6 identical companies selling 6 identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?”

The owner of Lucky Strikes shrugs. “We grow it, cure it, toast it.”

“There you go,” Don says. And he writes the new (and now age-old) Lucky Strike slogan down on the board:

“It’s toasted”

Now, if you know something about direct response marketing, this might seem like a typical example of useless branding copy.

Where’s the benefit, after all?

Well, sometimes you don’t need to scream benefits, even in direct response copy.

I thought of this today while I was working on a sales page for a probiotic.

Probiotics are a huge market right now.

And many people are already aware of what probiotics do (gut health, immune system, etc).

The problem for many people at this stage is not, “How can I fix my awful bloating/indigestion/gas?”

Instead, the problem now is “How can I choose from this sea of probiotic products which all claim to reduce my awful bloating/indigestion/gas?”

It’s something that the copywriting great Gene Schwartz called the 3rd stage of market sophistication. From Gene’s book Breakthrough Advertising:

“If your market is at the stage where they’ve heard all claims, in all their extremes, then mere repetition or exaggeration won’t work any longer. What this market needs now is a new device to make all those old claims become fresh and believable to them again. In other words, A NEW MECHANISM — a new way to make the old promise work. A different process — a fresh chance — a brand-new possibility of success where only disappointment has resulted before.”

For the probiotic sales page that I’m working on, that mechanism is clear: the specific strains in the product have clinical studies showing they actually work. This sets the product apart from just about any competitor on the market right now. Applying the Lucky Strike lesson, we could sum up the sales message as:

“It’s clinically proven”

Now, in the Mad Men episode, Don winds up giving an inspiring speech about how advertising is all about happiness.

The fact is, it’s more about hope — the hope that our problems can be solved.

And if your customers are a bit confused or jaded because of other similar products on the market, then you have to give them hope that your product really is better or different than anything they’ve seen before.

John Bejakovic

P.S. If you need copywriting in the health space that can either wow with benefits or cajole with mechanisms, then you can get in touch with me here:

https://bejakovic.com/contact