Copywriting

The trouble with “writing how you talk”

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“Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.”
— Bill Burr

I read a question on a copywriter message board recently:

“Should you write copy the way you speak?”

It’s certainly common advice to do so. And it can help people who fear writing to get over their phobia.

​​But I don’t agree that you can speak your way to good writing, or even to good copy.

Fact is, copy should use simple words and paint word pictures.

But except for a few talented communicators, most people don’t talk like that.

Sure, when it’s all done and done, somebody reading your copy should be able to convince themselves they might say this when speaking. But they never really would, any more than your random schmuck off the street would deliver a Bill Burr-level rant while jiving with his friends at the bar.

A top comedian like Burr will put in dozens or hundreds of hours of work to polish and perfect a joke that lasts only a few minutes.

​​And if you want similar success with your copy, you too will have to work harder on your copy than just “writing how you talk.”

Or you can just write daily emails. The rules for those are often different than for traditional sales letters. And if you want to see what I have in mind, you might like to sign up for my daily email newsletter. You can do so by clicking here.

The “philosopher’s stone” tactic for transmuting dull content into sparkling subject lines

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A few days ago, marketer Ben Settle sent out an email with the subject line:

“Email Players subscriber does hostile takeover of the UK childcare industry market”

The body of this email was mostly a standard testimonial from one of Ben’s customers. This guy said he used Ben’s marketing methods to capture 25% of the nursery owners market in the UK. To which Ben added,

“Smells like a hostile takeover of the market to me.”

And that’s where the “hostile takeover” subject line came from.

I thought this was clever. It brought to mind the philosopher’s stone, the magical artifact that allows you to take a bunch of dull lead and turn it into a few ounces of sparkling gold.

Except what Ben was doing was taking a bunch of solid and dull content… and transmuting it into a sparkling subject line.

All it took was free-associating a dramatic phrase, somewhat connected to the topic. It didn’t even have to be too logically connected.

Maybe that’s something you too can try if you write emails for sales and profit.

But you can use this same technique not just for subject lines.

It works for writing bullets, too. (You just might have to tweak the underlying editorial a bit, to make sure you’re not cheating readers when you hand them the dull lead.)

I bring all this up because I promised yesterday to tell you about a free online repository of 1) good bullets and 2) the underlying content those bullets were distilled and conjured from.

Well, that resource is Ben Settle’s daily emails.

Not all of Ben’s subject lines and emails demonstrate bullet-writing tactics.

But many do. And any young and ambitious student who just got accepted into copywriting Hogwarts would do well to stay up late, under candle light, and study these magical texts.

I’ve done it myself, and I continue to do it.

And I apply many of Ben’s marketing lessons — along with some I discovered myself — in my own daily email newsletter. If you want to get on board that train, it takes off from platform 9 1/2.

The most important “do or die” copywriting skill

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Some time back in the 2000s, Internet marketer Ken McCarthy put on a 3-day seminar titled, Advanced Copywriting for Serious Info Marketers.

This seminar has a kind of cult following in the marketing world today. Some of the most successful copywriters out there — people like Dan Ferrari and Ben Settle — say this is one of the best resources for really understanding what copywriting is all about.

Anyways, during this seminar, Ken asked the participants about the most important “do or die” copywriting skill.

“It’s a mechanical skill,” Ken explained. In other words, he wasn’t talking about secret ways of conducting research… or building desire… or even closing the sale.

All those are important. But there’s a single, mechanical skill that all good-to-great copywriters must master.

If I remember correctly, Ken teased this for over 10 minutes. I won’t do the same, because I feel I’ve teased you enough already. So let me just tell you:

This “do or die” skill is writing bullets.

Bullets? Yes, bullets.

Many sales letters are all bullets. But good bullet-writing skill will also mean you can write great headlines (what is a headline but your best bullet?) and subheads.

​​On an deeper level, being able to write good bullets means you can evoke curiosity in your reader, and focus his attention where you want it to go. That’s something you can use in your body copy too, or even in the structure of your sales letter.

But let’s assume Ken is right, and bullets are where it’s at.

So how do you get great at writing bullets?

Copywriter Gary Halbert had a solution for you:

Find a successful sales letter chock full o’ bullets… then get the book or newsletter or course they were selling… then reverse engineer how the copywriter “twisted” the original content to create the sexy bullet.

Thing is, the golden age of bullet-heavy magalogs has passed. And maybe you’re not keen on going on eBay and hunting for 90’s sales letters and the books they sold.

Fear not.

You can get access to some of the best bullets running today, along with the content that spawned them, for free, and in a pretty entertaining package. I’ll tell you all about it in my email tomorrow.

What, you don’t get my daily emails? Well, if you want ’em, you can sign up here.

Taking your reader on a rewarding flight to nowhere

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This July, two Taiwanese airlines, Eva Air and StarLux, started offering flights to nowhere.

This means you could schlep to the airport, have the discomfort of going through security, waiting to board, cramming yourself onto the plane with a bunch of other junkies… only to have the airplane take off, circle around for a couple hours, and land in the exact same damn spot from whence you took off.

The point is that people are so starved for novelty, excitement, and newness that they are willing to pay to be uncomfortable and to pretend to travel somewhere.

Fact is, novelty and uncertainty are one of a few fundamental human needs. And most of us aren’t getting our fill.

Which is why, sadly enough, your sales copy can outperform others, if only it takes your reader on a tiny journey, all while he doesn’t even move from his La-Z Boy. Or as A-list copywriter Jim Rutz put it:

“You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy.”

But perhaps you are wondering about the mechanics of taking your reader on an rewarding flight to nowhere… or exactly what Jim means by surprising the reader at every turn.

If that’s the case, here’s a surprise for you:

I’ve written about this in detail in Commandment VII of my new book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters. If you’d like to find out more about this book, or even get a copy for yourself, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

The IOU theory of copywriting

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I read once (in a book) that credit, aka debt, came way before money. In other words, an IOU — a little slip of clay tablet commemorating the three sheep you gave to me — is a more powerful economic idea than gold coins.

I also read once (in an email) that copywriter Gary Halbert said the most powerful human motivating force is not self-interest… but curiosity.

Is there a connection between these two powerful facts?

Clearly. Because I personally think of curiosity as an IOU.

You give a couple of IOUs to your reader right in your headline. “I promise to pay you some valuable information,” each IOU says, “just give me a bit of time.”

As long as you’re in the reader’s debt, as long as he’s holding one of your IOUs, he sticks around. He wants to get paid.

The good thing is that you can give your reader a new IOU before paying off an old one. That way you can keep him around. But be careful.

If you start handing out too many IOUs… if the debt you’re incurring is too outrageous… if the repayment period is too long… then your reader is likely to get frustrated.

“This guy is never gonna pay up,” he will say. “This is just worthless paper.” He will throw away all your IOUs into the river, and along with them, your sale.

In other words, don’t overdo your debt of curiosity. But do do it.

​​And if you want some technical pointers on how to do curiosity in your sales copy, why, I’ve got just the thing.

It’s hidden right there inside Commandment III of my new book on A-list copywriter commandments.

In case you haven’t checked this book out yet, but would like to, here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters

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“And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.”
— Exodus 19:16

Yesterday, I published my new book, The 10 Commandments of A-list Copywriters. It’s a bit of idea sex between the biblical ten commandments and the wisdom handed down by A-list copywriters like Gary Bencivenga and Gene Schwartz and Jim Rutz.

The book is available on Amazon now for your reading pleasure. But fair warning:

Some of these commandments might be surprising. Others might be familiar or obvious.

The covenant is this:

If you obey these commandments devoutly, then the copy gods will look favorably upon you, and treasure you above all people. Maybe they will even elevate you into the ranks of the A-list one day.

But only one way to find out what the copy gods have in store for you. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

Fast and Furry-ous choices for surprising readers

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Picture this scene from The Fast and the Furry-ous, the first Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon:

Wile E. Coyote draws road markers on the ground leading to a cliff. Then he paints a tunnel on the cliff, and hides.

​​MEEP MEEP. The Road Runner comes rushing up, and runs straight through the painted-on tunnel.

​​Wile E. Coyote comes out of hiding, puzzled. ​​He takes a step back, gets a running start – and slams himself into the painted-on cliff. Of course there’s no tunnel there. And just as he’s staggering back to his feet, MEEP MEEP, the Road Runner comes rushing back out of the tunnel, and runs over Coyote again.

Screenwriter William Goldman once wrote the following:

“In a sense, a screenplay, whether a romance or a detective story, is a series of surprises. We detonate these as we go along. But for a surprise to be valid, we must first set the ground rules, indicate expectations.”

Like a screenplay, a sales letter is also a series of surprises. And if you want to know how to detonate those surprises in your sales letters, MEEP MEEP, it’s all there in that scene from the Fast and the Furry-ous. You’ve got two choices. Can you see them?

You might expect me to tell you. But no, I will subvert those expectations. You’re on your own for this one.

But for other tunnels and other copywriting lessons, you might like to get my daily email newsletter. Simply send $0 to the ACME company, and you will get something in the mail very soon.

No need to confess all your sins or virtues in a sales letter

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When I was a kid I got convinced that if I swallow a piece of chewing gum, it will get stuck in my appendix where it will fester until it causes an explosion that kills me.

For years, I was careful to chew gum only in the front of my mouth, to minimize risk. And then one day I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. After hours of tense waiting — no explosion.

My point is that it’s easy to convince yourself that there are some things that you simply must or must not do — without any basis in reality.

Let me give you a copywriting example.

​​Last week I delivered a VSL to a client. He just got back to me to say he thinks it’s great. But he had a question. The course the VSL is selling contains more techniques than the single technique the VSL focuses on. Shouldn’t we change this?

It’s a valid question. In fact, earlier in my copywriting career, I would have believed it’s one of those “musts”: “If it’s in the product, I must talk about it in the sales copy.”

The thing is, in this specific case (a real estate investing product), people don’t really want a complicated, full-blown system. They want an opportunity — some concrete, sexy thing that sounds easy to implement, and that feels like a secret to help them get around the usual ways of doing things.

Which leads me to a bit of wisdom I heard from A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos:

“Does it hurt my case, help my case, or is it neutral?”

That’s what Parris asks about every line, fact, and argument in his sales letters. If something hurts his case, or is neutral, it gets kicked out. Because there’s no need to confess all your sins or all your virtues in a sales letter. Nobody asked — and there will be no explosion if you don’t do it.

Nobody asked me to create a daily email newsletter, either. But I did. I write about copywriting and marketing. If you’d like to see what this newsletter is like, you can sign up here.

A sexy technique for writing bullets that leave other copywriters green with envy

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I was at the gym today when I saw a guy getting ready to do squats after me. I watched him nervously as he stacked a few plates on the barbell. And then I took a big sigh of relief. I realized he will squat less weight than I was just squatting.

Like the other 7.8 billion people on this planet, I shrink with envy when I lag other people in some measure. I swell with pride when I am better than them.

You might know pride and envy as two of the seven deadly sins. Which brings me to a sexy copywriting technique I just heard copywriter Chris Haddad talk about.

Chris says most people write boring bullets. I know I do. The fix, according to Chris, is to take your boring bullets and marry them to the seven deadly sins.

Let me give you a few examples. Here are three sin-lite bullets I quickly wrote for the description to my soon-to-be-published book, The 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters:

II. A simple guiding principle that’s almost guaranteed to bring you into the top of the copywriting game (and it’s not just to work harder).

III. A 5-minute way to transform your copy so it sucks in your reader all the way to the sale, without him realizing what happened.

VII. A technique to convert even the most jaded, skeptical, and hostile prospects (some copywriters say this is the biggest breakthrough of the last five years).

Not awful, but not good either. So let’s soup it up by appealing to perennial human failings:

II. [WRATH] Hate losing, and hate yourself when you lose? Follow this commandment, and you will be able to crush competing copywriters, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

III. [SLOTH] The easiest commandment of the lot. It takes just 5 minutes to do but it can suck your reader all the way to the sale, without him realizing what happened.

VII. [PRIDE] How to “get one up” on jaded or even hostile prospects who think they are too smart to believe your marketing or to buy from you (some copywriters say this is the biggest breakthrough of the last five years).

These sinful bullets still have a way to go, particularly in the way of mechanism or proof. But I think they are better than what I started with. So if you too work for the Satanical Church of Direct Response… then try appealing to lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, sloth, envy, and pride the next time bullets are on your plate.

Speaking of lust:

My daily email newsletter can help you get laid tonight. And then you can brag about it to your friends… while you aggressively chew on a large leg of mutton, paid for by all the easy money you earned by taking my push-button copywriting recommendations.

Click here to subscribe. Or don’t — and be left in the dust as other, younger copywriters catch up to you and then overtake you.

How to avoid email copy that’s like a sack of wet eggs

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A UK supermarket named Morrisons became the target of Internet bullying yesterday after shoppers tweeted photos of a bizarre item on sale there.

“This is the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed,” one person wrote.

The item in question is a purse-sized plastic bag of hard-boiled, peeled eggs, swimming in a preservative liquid. Each bag says it has only 5 eggs, but actually has more than 40 — and you can catch ’em all for just 1 GBP.

Morissons tried to joke away the sacks of wet eggs on its shelves. But what can you say? The bags look wretched and cursed. No amount of twitter fiddling can fix that.

These days, along with the Daily Mail, where I read the above story, I’m also re-reading William Zinsser’s On Writing Well.

One idea that Zinsser beats into your head is that “writing is rewriting.”

No. I don’t agree.

You can rewrite to make your writing tighter… to clean it up… to do away with cliches or vague words.

But if you start out with a sack of wet eggs, no amount of rewriting will get you a final product that’s anything but wretched and cursed.

You have to have something to say at the start. And more importantly, you have to have the right mood to sell it. Matt Furey, who pretty much invented the daily email format, put it this way:

“It isn’t just the words that do the selling. It’s the emotion behind the words. Remove the emotion and you don’t have great copy. So it makes sense to me that you spend as much time learning how to raise your level of vibration as you do learning marketing and copywriting strategies.”

Speaking of daily emails:

I’ve got an email newsletter, and I email daily. No cursed or wretched items here though. At Bejakovic supermarket, we make sure all our emails are fresh and appetizing. If you’d like to try a sample, you can sign up here.