Copy Editing

A bad sign when writing copy

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I heard somebody say once — I can’t remember who or where — be like Mickey, not like Bugs.

Mickey is bland, nice, boring. Bugs Bunny is exciting, clever, fun.

But Mickey was the start and foundation of a multi-billion dollar empire. Bugs was not.

So be like Mickey.

I have to remind myself, and pretty often, that whenever I am particularly pleased with a piece of copy, it’s a bad sign.

There’s even a phrase that old-school writers used to describe this. They said you should kill your darlings.

This is especially true when it comes to sales copy. Whether you’re writing a sales letter to cold traffic… or a sales email to existing customers… in copywriting, clever is the opposite of good.

Simple appeals simply stated are likely to make you the most sales. Getting your message simpler is where your cleverness should be applied. And if you have any cleverness left over, then use it to find ways to surprise your readers, while still keeping your message simple.

Of course, sometimes I break my own rules. If you want to watch me fail in writing simple messages while discussing what I learn in my day job as a sales copywriter, then sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Cliches: Shooting fish in a barrel? Or yourself in the foot?

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Here’s a tough nut to crack:

Gary Bencivenga was a collossus of direct response copywriting. His sales letters made his clients hundreds of millions of dollars. On the topic of cliches, Gary had the following to say:

“I love clichés, and you should too! They are clichés precisely because everyone already believes them, so using them gives your copy greater credibility.”

Now here is a second quote, this one by Mark Ford. Mark is also an expert copywriter and a very successful marketer. Among his other ventures, Mark helped grow Agora from an $8-million-a-year company to a billion-dollar company. About cliches, Mark once wrote:

“Although everyone can relate to these expressions, they’ve been said so frequently that they’ve been stripped of their power. They no longer communicate profound ideas. And they don’t inspire people intellectually. And that’s why cliches are killers in direct mail. They make your copy seem obvious and predictable. […] Remember, as a copywriter, you’ve always got to keep your prospect from getting ahead of you. If he can anticipate what you’re going to say, he’ll assume he knows what’s coming — and you’ll lose him.”

So who’s right?

The most successful direct response copywriter of all time?

Or the direct response marketer who has overseen more promotions than probably anybody else?

Not to beat a dead horse… but like most things in the universe, the question of cliches is not simple or one-sided. Cliches have their place. But they also have their limitations.

I know that’s clear as mud. So I’ll give you the latest research on what cliches can do — and cannot do — in my email tomorrow. If you want to get that info before anybody else, click here and subscribe to my email newsletter.

Nauseating copy editing tricks from an acclaimed Hollywood movie

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Several minutes ago, I finished watching The Big Short. It was nauseating.

The movie is so jerky and fast that I felt like I was riding in a speeding truck on an unpaved mountain road.

For example, in one scene, two characters are in a restaurant. One character is explaining something technical about mortgages.

In the space of about 10 seconds, you can experience: 23 editing cuts… a significant amount of fast-paced dialogue… a laugh track which doesn’t seem to relate to the dialogue… Sweet Child O’ Mine, playing at increasing volume over the dialogue and the laugh track. And this is all shot on handheld camera, to add a documentary, vomit-inducing feel.

This reminded me of a sales letter lead I dissected last autumn.

The sales letter was the Fat Burning Furnace, which I believe was a big Clickbank hit a while back.

The Fat Burning Furnace lead was as fast-paced as that scene from The Big Short:

In about 20 seconds, there were probably a dozen ideas, all of which were disjointed and seemingly spliced together. The lead jumped from claim to secret to promise to objection to problem to identification and then back again.

It didn’t make sense to me. This is not how people talk.

But that’s what people respond to. People watched The Big Short, and they loved it. And they consumed the Fat Burning Furnace VSL, and they paid for the product.

So if you catch yourself writing conversational, smooth-flowing copy, it might be time to make some quick cuts and edits. Keep your prospect’s logical brain reeling, while his lizard brain starts licking its chops. Do this right, and maybe you’ll credit default swap your own way into a million-dollar payday.

Blare your sales message loudly at your readers

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I took a walk through town today and I heard a busker chirping on a flute.

My brain immediately started playing the Chinese dance from the Nutcracker. That’s not the tune the busker was playing. But it didn’t matter, because that’s how our brains work.

Our brains get influenced all the time by random sounds, words, and touches. Most of the time, we’re not even aware this is happening. Take a look at Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow. It gives lots of examples of decisions that were swayed, often in big ways, by an unnoticed detail in the environment.

Of course, this has consequences if you’re writing copy. For example, one classic bit of advice is to edit your first draft heavily. Make it as tight as possible. Follow William Zinsser, who wrote:

“Most adverbs are unnecessary. You will clutter your sentence and annoy the reader if you choose a verb that has a specific meaning and then add an adverb that carries the same meaning. Don’t tell us that the radio blared loudly; ‘blare’ connotes loudness.”

“Blare” does connote loudness. But maybe “loudly” triggers the brain in a way that “blare” does not. Words redundant in meaning might not be redundant in effect.

So should you stop editing your copy? No. The fewer words you can get your point across in, the better.

But don’t be a slave to the advice of people like William Zinsser. Use your own taste and emotional response to make the call whether a word stays in or not.

John Caples once gave an example of how an ad improved with a bit of redundancy. The original ad read, “Most of these articles are exclusive with this store.” The improved ad read, “Most of these articles are exclusive with this store — cannot be obtained elsewhere.”

The point Caples was making is that more words can help you explain your meaning better. That includes emotional meaning too. Because you don’t know for sure which hook will finally catch your fish, or which word will prime your prospect into buying.

Want more info on editing your copy? It’s one of the topics I cover in my daily email newsletter. If you’re interested, click here to subscribe.

Rough and smooth copywriting sandpaper

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I believe it was Michelangelo who wrote:

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Similarly, every hairball of a first draft has a good piece of copy inside it. And it is the task of the copywriter to discover it.

Perhaps you think it’s grandiose to compare copywriting to fine art?

You’re probably right. But the fact remains, I’m currently writing the first draft of a video sales letter, and it is far from fine.

No matter. Because as soon as I wrap up this first draft, hopefully tonight, I will start to polish it. I’ve even got 7 separate grades of sandpaper of varying smoothity, which should help me discover that good piece of copy hiding inside.

#1. Tidbit sandpaper

With this sandpaper, I make a new loop through all my notes. Product research, customer research, testimonials… And I note good tidbits that I haven’t yet included in the sales letter. These tidbits could just be a good phrase, or a convincing argument, or anything. When I’ve made this list of tidbits, I go in, and I squeeze each one into my copy at some point.

#2. Vision sandpaper

Show, don’t tell. So “Jack was starting to give into the pressure” becomes…

“Jack was pounding away at an old typewriter. He had already typed up hundreds of pages, and each one repeated the same phrase over and over. ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'”

#3. Grasp-the-advantage sandpaper

This is a must for good copy, and it comes from Victor Schwab’s book, How to Write a Good Advertisement. Throughout the copy, make sure you are bringing it back to the prospect, and making it clear why this matters to him.

“Our real estate investing system gets you all the hot leads you can handle for free.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you don’t have to spend any of your own money.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you can get started even if you’re dead broke right now.”

Hmmm…

#4. Midge sandpaper

Master copywriter David Deutsch has this thing he calls, “Hey Midge.” Basically, the copy should sound like something a guy would say to his wife (Midge?). In other words, this is where you focus on writing to just one person, your ideal avatar.

#5. Dumb sandpaper

There’s a website out there called the Hemingway Editor. You paste your copy in, and it tells you the reading level. It also tells you how to lower the reading level. I aim for grade 6.

#6. Intense sandpaper

David Garfinkel said on a recent episode of the Copywriters Podcast that the way to make copy “intense” is to write long copy, and then cut it down. So when I finish all the other steps above, I trim down my copy by 10%. I start by cutting out worthless adjectives and adverbs. Next are the complicated phrases that could be simpler. And then I will take out entire sentences or even paragraphs to meet my 10% quota.

#7. Boron sandpaper

I don’t know if Gary Halbert was the first to suggest reading your copy out loud. But his Boron Letters was the first place I saw this advice. And I still stick to it.

So there you go. Hopefully it can help you if you’ve got a hairball on your hands as well.

And if you need more ideas for pre-processing and post-processing your copy, maybe you will find some help here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/