I woke up this morning to an email from an old client:
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Hey John, happy new year!
We’re seeing a lot of growth again in [his wife’s] business… you totally nailed the voice and tone last time, wondering if you’d be interested in revisiting that engagement?
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The fact is, I didn’t totally nail the voice last time. Not even close.
I even wrote an email in this newsletter about that miserable experience, with the subject line, “My so-called life as a 32-year-old Brazilian female fitness model.”
In that email, I said it was impossible for me to really mimic somebody’s voice, at least in daily emails, at least to an audience who genuinely knows that person.
Pretending to be a 32-year-old Brazilian fitness model, I spent 15 minutes writing each email, and another 30-40 minutes massaging the emojis and Instagram inspiration buzzwords and agonizing whether something was just important! or really super important!!!
I hated the process.
But things have changed in the past two years. And if my old client thought I nailed the voice last time, he would be amazed now.
Because after I got his message, I clambered into my connection pod, plugged the metal cables into the back of my skull, and initiated a telepathic conversation with the General Networked Intelligence. I asked it:
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Rewrite the following in the tone of a peppy, enthusiastic, 32-year-old female Instagram fitness model, who loves using emojis and a few words in all caps: It’s important to be healthy and fit. But what’s equally as important is to feel good about yourself, not to compare yourself to others, to enjoy each day without worrying about living up to a standard. And that’s what I want to do for you.
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In an instant, the Great Networked Intelligence replied with the following:
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“💪 Hey friends! Staying FIT AND HEALTHY is super important, but it’s not just about hitting the gym and eating right 🥗 It’s about FEELING GOOD IN YOUR OWN SKIN, not comparing yourself to others 🙅, and ENJOYING EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST 🌞 That’s what I’m all about, and that’s what I want to help you achieve 🙌 Let’s make every day POSITIVE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY together! 🤗”
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This is pretty close to perfect. Maybe a tiny bit over the top, but as copywriter John Carlton likes to say, better start with extreme inspirational fluff and dial it back a notch, than try to squeeze a pizza-slice emoji into an unenthusiastic and limp Instagram post.
And then, suddenly, I had a vision.
I saw a 19th-century steam locomotive, a huge and ugly engine spewing smoke and eating up the American landscape.
Inside that locomotive was a small, sweaty, sooty man, shoveling coal into the blazing fire that drives the great steam engine on.
But what do you call that small, sweaty, sooty man? I never knew the term. No matter. As soon as I had that thought, without speaking a word, I immediately had the response:
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A person who shovels coal on a locomotive is typically called a “fireman” or “stoker.” The fireman is responsible for maintaining the fire in the locomotive’s furnace, which generates steam to power the engine.
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So there you go. There’s a new railroad across America, and it’s turning some copywriters into firemen. Maybe some of those firemen will get very rich.
Anyways, you might wonder if I have any bigger point to this email besides that you can now quickly and cheaply imitate the voice and tone of Instagram fitness models.
I do have a bigger point. But this email is getting long, and several other steam locomotives demand my attention. So I will tell you the bigger point in my email tomorrow, in case you are interested. If you’d like to read that email when it comes out, click here to sign up for my daily email newsletter.