For many years, I tried to not care what other people think. Left and right, I’d heard this is the way to go.
“Who cares about other people’s opinions? Fuck em.”
I tried. I put on a brave smile when somebody criticized or outraged me. Or I argued back. Or I pretended like nothing happened.
Of course, something had happened. I experienced a reaction, often a nasty one. Pretending otherwise was like pretending that a wasp sting doesn’t hurt.
The criticism or the outrage stung. But what really bothered me was realizing that I couldn’t stop myself from reacting… that I cared what other people thought… that this made me susceptible and weak.
Then one day, I figured out if I kept going this way — trying and failing to not care what other people think — I’d just spend my life in self-hate.
So I stopped trying.
And I started diligently avoiding other people’s opinions. I started to close my eyes, cover up my ears, and turn around to not see.
Of course, this does not mean I have completely separated myself from the human race. Or that I never take feedback.
But when I suspect I might be negatively influenced by somebody else’s opinion… I don’t steel myself to not care. Instead, I work to avoid hearing or seeing that opinion. And I find I have fewer problems.
If you too have been bravely trying to not care what other people think, without success, then ignorance might be worth a shot.
It’s like watching a movie. You know a disgusting torture scene is coming up. So you close your eyes. You hear other people in the audience gasping, groaning, and dry heaving. And you wonder what all the fuss is about, because your own stomach is fine.
Not everybody has this problem. If you do have it, I guess you know. But an easy way to figure it out is to ask yourself:
Was there any time today that I changed course, either because of what somebody said, or what I expected they would say?
Psychic pain can be just as real as physical pain. Sometimes more so. And trying NOT to think of pink elephants is a sure way of having a parade of them stomping through your head.
As I’ve written before, much of our psychology has moved to the cloud. That’s good for staying on top of the latest memes and outrage news. But it’s bad if you want some peace of mind, or the freedom to explore the world on your own terms.
Ignore other people and their opinions… and you’ve got a shot. Try to stop caring, once you know what they think… and you’ve got a fight on your hands.
Ok, enough anti-caring propaganda.
Now for some marketing:
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