I had a run in with the police two weeks ago.
They stopped me on a dark and abandoned road. They frisked me. They rifled through my wallet. They opened my box of takeout food and sniffed at the dumplings inside.
In the end, they gave me a fine. “Would you like to pay now?” they asked.
I said no.
They seemed surprised. “Then you have five days to pay at the police station. Otherwise you won’t be able to travel or leave the country.”
I’m telling you this story because it illustrates Dale Carnegie’s first rule of dealing with people. Carnegie says, never criticize, condemn, or complain.
When the policemen stopped me, I was pretty sure I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But when they gave me the fine, I became 100% sure I wasn’t doing anything wrong. The policemen were being arbitrary and stupid, and I could prove it. Or as Carnegie says,
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.”
But that’s not all.
Because I never did pay the fine. “What can they do to me?” I reasoned.
I pictured the two cops checking their police computer, day after day… seeing my fine not being paid. In my fantasy, they shook their heads in frustration. “All that work we put in… for nothing!” A smile spread across my face.
But I also imagined getting stopped at the airport when it was time to fly out. I imagined being taken to a small windowless room, with those two same policemen waiting for me.
It made me nervous for days. But no matter. I would spite myself and not pay the fine — just to spite the stupid and unjust police.
And that’s part two of Carnegie’s argument against criticism:
“Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”
This applies if you’re talking to people one-on-one. And it applies to your copy also.
Some copywriters — particularly when starting out — try to be edgy and insult or mock the prospect. Like this weight loss ad that started:
“ATTENTION ALL FAT PEOPLE! DOES YOUR GARBAGE MAN DELIVER INSTEAD OF COLLECT, AND THEN YELL ‘CHOW TIME!?'”
Don’t scoff. That radio ad was written by a young and cocky Gary Halbert. It pulled in a grand total of 3 sales after thousands of dollars of ad spend.
Of course, your prospect might really be in the wrong. He might be the one to blame. But if that’s what you want to make him see, don’t say so.
Only do it indirectly. For example, by telling him a cautionary tale of somebody else making a similar mistake. Otherwise, your prospect might spite himself — even if he might want your product otherwise — just to spite you.
Hopefully your sense of importance is still in tact. And if you’d like to subscribe to my email newsletter, here’s where to go.