How to write a better cold outreach message

Today, I got an email from somebody I don’t know with the subject line, “Need an intern?” I opened it. It read:

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Hi John,

I think I originally came across you via a Google search after reading Peter Tzemis’s blog. I like your writing style, and I was curious if you need anyone to help you with anything? I want to get hands on experience with direct response.

I currently write on [link to guy’s personal musings Substack]. Let me know if this is of any interest to you.

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I heard marketer Sean D’Souza say a smart thing once.

If you have a problem in your business, says Sean, don’t work on fixing it. Instead, work on fixing somebody else’s business.

Somehow, we’re all blinded by our own unique circumstances. It makes it hard to see the right thing to do.

It’s much easier when looking at other people’s circumstances. Figure out how to help others, and you figure out how to help yourself.

I’m telling you this because maybe you would like to connect with people you don’t know.

Maybe you’re looking for clients, or for an opportunity to get your message out, or you’re just trying to build your network.

Cold email can open lots of doors. But maybe it’s not opening doors for you right now.

So here’s your chance.

Figure out how you might fix the approach of the guy who wrote me above.

I can tell you I didn’t take him up on him on his intern offer.

​​In fact, I didn’t even respond to his email, and I make a habit of responding to almost everyone who writes me.

What could he have done differently?

Think about it, and maybe you can help yourself. And if you like, write in with your best idea, and I can tell you my opinion on whether it would have made a difference or no.