How to gull your copywriting clients

Did you know “gullible” is not a real word?

“Gull,” however, is a real word. As in, “to gull your clients.” It describes a fun, easy, and profitable way to run a copywriting business.

Here’s a day-by-day checklist for how to do so, taken from a real-life master of the craft (more on him below):

[day 0] take a 4-figure, 50% down payment for a copywriting project

[day 6] reschedule client meeting due to “email issues”

[day 7] get caught in a tropical storm, reschedule meeting again

[day 9] deal with storm repair issues, reschedule

[day 10] try moving to a larger metropolitan area to regain stable Internet connection, reschedule

[day 17] contract bronchitis

[day 18] reschedule

[day 19] allow the bronchitis to flare up into full-blown
pneumonia, reschedule as needed

[day 21] start feeling a bit better, promise to start work soon

[day 28] start working during rare gaps not taken up by hospital visits. Do NOT deliver any copy

[day 32] notify client that the initial approach at copy wasn’t good. Tear it up. Start over

[day 38] notify client you’re making your way through all the materials he’s provided

[day 43] stop responding to client’s emails

[day 48] stop responding to client’s Skype and LinkedIn messages

[day 49] stop picking up up the phone or responding to client’s voicemails

[day 50] have your girlfriend (or virtual assistant, it’s complicated) contact the client to let him know you are out of town until next Friday

[day 55] ignore client emails stating the project has been canceled and asking for a refund

[day 56] notify client of pneumonia relapse, which you have been covering up for fear of appearing sickly or weak. Convince client to give you a second chance

[day 57] notify client that now, “with all the pieces in hand, it shouldn’t be a very time intensive endeavor at all.”

[days 62-67] reschedule client meeting several times, but do not at any point get on a call with the client

[day 69] promise to have the copy ready “by mid-week”

[day 72] institute complete radio silence
[days 73-88] firmly maintain radio silence

[day 89] notify client you will take legal action unless he stops badmouthing you online

Like I said, this checklist has been distilled from a real-life copywriter-client interaction. ​​I found out about it on a website put up by the gulled client.

​​Since I only know the client’s side of the story, I won’t name the copywriter in question. You can figure it out without too much trouble if you want.

But why do I bring this up?

Well, if you’re a copywriter, I believe the above checklist gives you a solid place to start a profitable copywriting practice. Even if you’re a newbie and don’t have much experience yet.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to hire a copywriter, then the above checklist lets you know what you can expect when working with a pro.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to tell when you’ve run into such a pro.

No amount of social proof, testimonials, samples, certifications, or even personal interviews is a guarantee of avoiding him.

Perhaps the one thing you can look for is whether this is a person who actually writes. And who’s willing to do it day in and day out. Such as, for example, by putting out daily emails or blog posts. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a start.

Speaking of which, if you are looking for a sales copywriter, get in touch with me and we can talk.

But beware. If we wind up working together, I ask for 50% of the fee upfront.