Today I want to quickly point out an insidious copywriting mistake which affects newbies — and experienced copywriters alike.
To set it up, let me bring back an email I received yesterday from from Chris Masterjohn, PhD. The subject line read:
“I’m now *giving away* my affiliate commissions… to YOU!”
Huh? When this email first appeared in my inbox, I ignored it. When I finally gave it a skim, this “commissions” idea just left me confused.
That’s because this subject line, and the opening sentences of the email that follow, are a typical example of halfway-there copywriting. Here’s what I mean.
The first thing they will tell you about copywriting is, “Talk benefits. Explain to the reader what’s in it for him.” And that’s what Chris is trying to do with the subject line above.
The background is that Chris has a membership program. One of the perks of the program is that you can get discounts on various health products he recommends.
The trouble is, nobody will ever read Chris’s subject line and say,
“Oh I see where this is going. I buy those products that I want through Chris’s affiliate link. He of course gets an affiliate commission. He then refunds his affiliate commission to me, and I get the product at a discount! That’s great! Where do I sign up?”
Nobody will ever say that, because it’s far from obvious.
The copy is to blame for this. But just so we’re clear, I’m not pointing fingers at Chris. He’s not a pro copywriter. And like I said, this is a mistake that happens even to the pros.
For example, one of the most revealing things I’ve learned since starting to work with my copywriting coach is just how common this issue is even in my own copy.
You think you’re telling the reader what he wants to hear. But you’re still far away from it. You’re too much into the product… into the mechanism… into the brilliant story you’re telling… into your own goals.
The result is that you say something “halfway there”. You’re sure the reader will be able to make the leap and grasp the significance… but you’re wrong.
The reader will be left confused. He’ll walk away. And you’ll lose the sale.
One easy way out from this sad fate is simply to have another person read your copy. A fresh set of eyes can spot these mistakes.
But there’s also a mechanical fix: Just use the phrase “so you can…”
“I’m giving away my affiliate commissions… so you can buy your favorite health products at a discount… so you can save $33 on your next 200 lbs. purchase of grass-fed beef liver.”
I think you get the idea. And of course, if you’re crammed for space, just strip away some of the less compelling stuff at the start. So you can have a crisp and effective subject line. So you can get people to read about your great offer. So you can make filthy heaps of money. So you can come back here and tell me all about it.