“We can’t go anywhere without each other!” said the first girl.
“It drives us crazy! But we can’t split up no matter what we do!” said the second.
“Can you help us, doctor?” asked the third. “We still want to be friends, but this is too much!”
In 1972, three college girls showed up to a therapist’s office. They were suffering from what psychologists call fused identity. It’s the personality equivalent of leaving a bag of gummy bears in the sun until they all melt together.
The girls were aware of what had happened. They wanted to change. But they couldn’t. So they were seeking help.
“I understand,” said the therapist. “There’s an important first step I want you to take. After that, I can recommend a course of action.”
“Tell us!” said girl one.
“We’ll do anything!” said girls two and three in unison.
“First, I want you to make a list of your planned activities for tomorrow,” the therapist said. “The ones you expect you will do together.”
The girls nodded and did as he asked.
“And then tomorrow,” the therapist said, “it’s extremely important that you do each of these things together, as you just told me you would. Don’t deviate from this plan one bit. You have to be at all of these activities, together. All three of you. Then the day after, come see me again.”
This case was reported in a paper titled, “Dissolution of fused identity in one therapeutic session.” Because one session was all it took. The girls lost interest in spending all their time together… after they were told they HAD to do it.
This is a core part of human existence. Your prospects have it inside them also. They have a problem… they might even want help… but they are repulsed by being told what to do.
So here’s an important first step:
Forget what you just read. And it’s extremely important that the next time you craft a persuasive message, you do NOT think of clever ways to deal with your prospects’ stubborn resistance to outside influence. Particularly if you sell in a really skeptical, jaded market. Then the day after you do that, come and see me again.