I expected some blowback to my email yesterday.
For one thing, I was writing about loaded topics — corona, Novak Djokovic, government lockdowns, Prince of Persia.
For another, in the hours after I wrote and scheduled yesterday’s email, the story I was writing about blew up. It went from being something only tennis fans and Australians might know about… to the number one international news items, with the predictable outrage and memery and fixed opinions.
So yes — I was expecting people to write in and tell me how stupid, flippant, and just clearly very wrong my email is.
I should have known better. Because what happened was this:
A bunch of people did write in. Some liked the email and the point I was making. Some offered to be my nemesis (the takeaway of yesterday’s email). Some told me personal stories of their own from the ground in Australia. Some disagreed with the email, in reasoned and civil tones.
But not one person was insulting, aggressive, outraged or seeking to outrage me.
In fact, the last time I can remember getting an outraged response to my emails was over six months ago. The same guy who wrote that outraged response had written me a few inflammatory emails before. So I unsubscribed him from my list, and wrote an email about it the next day.
Like I said, no outrage since. Maybe there’s a lesson in there. In any case, there’s definitely a lesson in here:
“The adversary mirrors you”
That’s from master negotiator Jim Camp. The adversary in Camp’s system is the person you are negotiating with, but it could just as well be a prospect you are looking to sell… a reader you are looking to influence… or a girl you are trying to get on a date.
In fact, Camp’s advice is almost the same as the advice of the late and great pickup coach Tom Torero. Tom used to tell guys that “the girl is your mirror.”
If she looks startled or scared when you approach her… if she won’t stick around to talk to you… if she doesn’t trust you with her phone number… then take a step back. And figure out exactly what you’re projecting into the world, and how you should change it.
In other words, this mirroring stuff isn’t my plea for the world to be civil and boring.
I’m just telling you to figure out how you want your adversaries to feel and act. Relaxed and confident? Fun and playful? Scared and outraged? Then you know what to do. Feel and act that same way yourself.
Or vice versa:
Figure out how you want to feel and act in your life and your business. Just be aware that those are the kinds of prospects you will attract.
If there are enough such prospects, then you’re well in the saddle. But if you don’t have enough prospects who want to feel and act the way you do…
Then you might benefit from the following referral advice from Jim Camp. It is a kind of corollary to Camp’s Law of Reflection above. Camp says:
“What’s the key to getting referrals? It’s simple. Give them.”