Let me try to charm you with a pretty exciting story I witnessed a few days ago:
I was sitting on a stool at a seafood restaurant at the main Barcelona market, waiting for my order of oysters and fried squid. Suddenly, I saw it. A lobster, on a bed of ice, on top of a seafood display shelf in front of me. But the little guy was still alive!
The lobster started walking backwards, off the plate, onto the glass counter. The nearest restaurant patrons moved away. One tried to grab the lobster from behind. But the lobster turned around, and the brave patron backed off. For a moment, it looked like a panic might start.
But then the owner of the restaurant, a middle-aged woman with a pixie cut and a big smile on her face, came, confidently picked up the lobster, and put him back on the plate of ice, pushing the poor bastard down to keep him from walking off again. The end.
Pretty charming story, right? Pretty… pretty… charming.
But can we inject some electricity into this pretty charming story? Can we force it to come alive, like Frankenstein’s monster? Well, let’s push the button and see:
I was balancing on a stool at a seafood restaurant at the main Barcelona market, counting down the seconds for my order of oysters and fried squid. Suddenly, my eyes locked in on it. A lobster, on a bed of ice, on top of a seafood display shelf in front of me. But the little guy still twitched with life!
The lobster scrambled backwards, off the plate, onto the glass counter. The nearest restaurant patrons fell out of their seats. One tried to coral the lobster from behind. But then the lobster spun around, and the brave patron backed off, arms up. For a moment, it felt like the place might erupt in a panic.
But then the owner of the restaurant, a middle-aged woman with a pixie cut and a big smile on her face, swept in, confidently grabbed the lobster, and plopped him back on the plate of ice, crunching the poor bastard down to keep him from escaping again. The end.
Better, no? I mean, maybe a little ham-handed, maybe a little freshman-writing-class-y, but the idea is sound. And the idea is this, from a quick story once whispered by Hollywood screenwriter Larry Ferguson:
“There was a girl who came to me with her first screenplay. It was a good first shot. I gave her some advice. I told her, ‘I want you to go home and take a yellow Marks-A-Lot and highlight every verb in this 120-page screenplay, and then I want you to read them out loud and ask yourself, Can I find a stronger verb.'”
So there you go. If your current draft is a good first shot, highlight your verbs. Sweat and struggle a bit until you hit upon stronger verbs. And you might discover you’ve created something sexy, something truly alive.
But you know what?
Stronger verbs, and stronger words in general, are just one good way to edit your copy to make it more biting and bothersome.
There are at least six other editing techniques, which I’ve seen A-list copywriters using regularly, either consciously or unconsciously. A few of these techniques are much more subtle, and maybe even more effective, than just reaching for stronger words.
If you’d like to own all of these techniques, you can find them in Round 20 of Copy Riddles. Round 20 is all about taking that pretty, pretty good copy you’ve written and turning it into something that wounds people with intrigue and curiosity, even if they can’t quite pinpoint why.
And Round 20 isn’t just a bunch of boring how-to. Instead, just like the rest of Copy Riddles, it forces you to practice each technique yourself, and compare your results to the results that A-list copywriters got.
After all, the only thing better than a demonstration you can see… is a demonstration you can try out — I mean, play with, fondle, and feel — yourself.
Enrollment for Copy Riddles closes later tonight, at 12 midnight PST. That’s less than 12 hours away. To sign up while there’s still time: