I’ve been living in Barcelona for the past six months, and it’s been more or less normal until a few weeks ago.
That’s when Christmas prep started, and things got bizarre.
I’ll tell you just one bizarre thing, and that’s the appearance of the poop log.
The poop log – aka caga tió — is literally that:
An actual wooden log, propped up on two wooden sticks for arms, with painted-on googly white eyes and a big smile, wearing a traditional red hat, covered with a little blanket for warmth — and for privacy.
Yes, for privacy. Read on.
The poop log goes in homes. It’s a Catalan tradition, the equivalent of the Christmas stocking that goes above the mantel in Anglo-Saxon and Germanic traditions.
Every night, kids are supposed to “feed” the poop log with sweets and dried fruit to fatten it up.
Then, on Christmas Eve, kids hit the poop log with a stick — gently and lovingly — and sing it a threatening little song, which apparently translates to:
“Shit, log, shit nougats, hazelnuts and mató cheese, if you don’t shit well, I’ll hit you with a stick, shit, log!”
No, I poop you not, this is all for real.
The beating and singing complete, the poop log relieves itself, and children lift up the bulging red blanket in the back to find the usual mess — candies, small toys, and other things I prefer not to write about.
Catalans laugh and wave their arms to try to explain away the poop log. But really, there is no explaining.
There’s just the fact that, when it comes to most things humans do, it’s really the thought that counts.
I mean, without being too vulgar about it, here they’ve managed to take a log, and one that shits, and turn it into a kind of cute and heartwarming winter tradition that brings the family together.
If they can sell that, imagine what you can do.
And with that thought, let me wish you a merry Christmas.
And now let me lift up the bulging blanket in the back.
Because if you thought you could get to the tail end of this email, and avoid the usual mess — well, Christmas is no time to stop selling. But it’s the thought behind the selling that counts.
So in case you want your nougats, hazelnuts and copy riddles, dig in here: