Shame

How to humiliate competing marketers and join the elite circle of the world’s most respected copywriters

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Today, I want to share a few really good headlines with you:

How Does An Out-Of-Shape 55-Year-Old Golfer, Crippled By Arthritis And 71 Lbs. Overweight, Still Consistently Humiliate PGA Pros In Head-To-Head Matches By Hitting Every Tee Shot Further And Straighter Down The Fairway?

The Astonishing Sex Secrets Of the Most Satisfied… Most Knowledgeable… And Most Respected Lovers In The World!

“The Naked Girls All Laughed Behind The Little Pudgy Guy’s Back… Until He Got Into A Knife Fight With Three Enormous Bad-Ass Bikers…”

All three of these headlines were written by John Carlton. If you ask me, all three have something important in common beyond just being written by John.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For the past few days, I’ve been telling you about the six characteristics of a positive attitude.

You’re probably ready and eager to wrap up this sermonizing series. I know I am. Bear with me. There are just two more to go.

Today’s characteristic might sound mysterious, even misleading. But it’s very important, both for a positive attitude and for copywriting. ​​It’s simply this:

Positive attitude characteristic #5: Inner Motivation

Inner motivation? What exactly does that mean? From the book NLP, where I first came across these six characteristics:

“These were not ‘Hollywood’ movie or ‘new age’ images of a general desire to win, or be the best, or avoid making a fool of oneself. These athletes had personal, specific, and compelling visions of desirable goals or unpleasant consequences.”

Personal, specific, and compelling visions. Notice it doesn’t say that there’s anything particularly “healthy” about this inner motivation stuff.

And that’s what I think is going on in those winning John Carlton headlines above.

The visions John paints in the prospect’s mind are not about the actual, “healthy” benefit of the product. The satisfaction of playing better golf… or more enjoyable sex… or the practical value of self-defense.

Instead, the visions John paints are squarely about impressing or even humiliating others.

That kind of motivation works very well in sales copy…

And ugly as it might sound, it can also work in your personal life.

Meaning, if you want a more positive attitude, then create a clear and convincing picture in your mind. And if that picture happens to be tainted with current envy, shame, and bitterness… well, that’s okay.

​​It might even be optimal.

That’s not to say that you should always keep one eye on others as you try to achieve your goals.

But I’m getting ahead of myself for the second time today. In fact, I’m stepping onto the toes of tomorrow’s final email in this series.

So let me stop myself here. In case you want to read the last email in this series right as it comes out, then sign up for my daily email newsletter.

The denial theory of the fake female orgasm

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Over the past few years, it’s become trendy to say, “Stop reading the news, it’s like junk food, bad for your health.”

Maybe so. But without The Daily McMail, where would I find tasty morsels like this headline today:

“Women who make more money than their partner are TWICE as likely to fake orgasms, study reveals”

The revealing study, which came out earlier this year, was pretty straightforward.

Researchers at the University of South Florida surveyed 157 women in sexual relationships with a man. And the researchers asked these women embarrassing personal questions.

Result:

It turns out women who earn more than their male partner (29.6% of the sample) were twice as likely to fake orgasm.

Like I said, that part of the science is pretty straightforward.

Where it gets more murky is the moral interpretation of this sensitive issue. According to Professor Jessica Jordan, the lead researcher behind the study, the interpretation is this:

“Women are prioritising what they think their partners need over their own sexual needs and satisfaction. When society creates an impossible standard of masculinity to maintain, nobody wins.”

In other words, society says that men should earn more than women… but some men fail at this and their egos crumble… and then their women are forced to coddle them as a result.

Perhaps. But perhaps there are other interpretations?

For example, here’s a personal confession:

Some 20 years ago, my mind was warped by reading a pop-science book called Sperm Wars. And ever since, I’ve been a bit of a science Columbo on all things female orgasm.

That’s why I remember a second study, one that came out in 2009, in the pre-gender-dismantling era.

This study was also based on a survey, in this case, of 1,534 couples. The results were summarized in the headline of a Business Insider article:

“Study: Rich Men Give Women More Orgasms”​

The author of the underlying​​ study, a certain Dr Thomas Pollet of Newcastle University, gave his interpretation of the statistics. From the Business Insider article:

“He believes the phenomenon is an ‘evolutionary adaptation’ that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality.”

Perhaps this could also explain all those extra fake orgasms in 2022?

Perhaps those faking women just find themselves horribly unattracted to their lower-earning partners. And that’s a problem — both personally and in the relationship.

So what to do?

The best thing really is to watch a little When Harry Met Sally… take notes on the restaurant scene… and put on a similar show the next time it’s time.

Because like I wrote yesterday, denial might just be a fundamental human activity. It might just be something we all do, all the time, in order to make life acceptable in our minds and bearable in practice.

And the fact is, denial manifests itself in different ways.

There’s flat-out denial, which I wrote about yesterday:

“No, of course not. I’m not bothered that you earn less than me. It’s certainly not any kind of turn-off.”

But another type of denial is what psychologists call reaction formation. That’s when you don’t just deny… but you claim or do the exact opposite:

“Yes, yes, take me, you low-earning animal!”

Of course, if my theory is true, it begs the question why these women would deny their lack of attraction in the bedroom… but break down and confess it when questioned by Professor Jessica Jordan.

My only answer to that is that there are different levels of denial.

Some denial is complete — we can’t face up to the fact at all, and we have to change our inner movie to fit what we want to believe.

But other denial is partial — we act as if, we claim as if, but on some conscious level, we are aware it’s not really as if.

Anyways, perhaps you say I’m completely off with my denial-of-unattraction theory.

But perhaps you feel there might be something to my idea. In that case, I’ve got two takeaways for you.

First, if you’re a guy, and the thought of your woman faking orgasm makes you shudder with feelings of shame and inadequacy… then the best thing to do might be to get better at sales and marketing, and start earning more money.

My second takeaway can be summed up by the following headline.

It comes from the tabloid The Daily Bejakovic. And it’s about a study performed at the University of Bejakovic, by a certain Dr. Johann Bejakovic. The headline reads:

“Study: Men and women who emphatically claim anything are TWICE as likely to secretly believe the exact opposite”

Anyways, if you want more ideas on denial, which you can use for your own research into your own mind or the mind of your market, then sign up for my email newsletter here.

The most tastless and offensive Christmas song ever?

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“I’m not singing that line. I’ll sing anything, but I’m not singing that line.”

“You have to. That’s the line I saved for you. That’s the one that’s going to make them hurt the most.”

Here’s a potentially offputting and offensive Christmas eve story:

Some 37 years ago, on November 25 1984, dozens of British and Irish pop stars gathered at 10 Basing Street in London.

The event was Band Aid:

An attempt to record a hit song in just one day and get it to the top of the charts before Christmas. All proceeds were to help relieve the crisis in Ethiopia, where drought had put 7 million people at risk of a slow and miserable death.

Against all odds, Band Aid turned out to be a success.

The song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” became the fastest- and biggest-selling single in UK history. It raised some some $25 million outright. It also spawned later efforts like Live Aid and USA for Africa, which raised hundreds of millions of dollars more.

In spite of all this, “Do They Know It’s Christmas” has had many critics over the years.

People hate the song for different reasons, but one strain can be summed up by the disgust at the line that fell to Bono of U2 to sing.

Bono initially refused to sing the line.

But Bob Geldof, the organizer of Band Aid and a personal friend of Bono’s, was too persuasive and won out in the end.

And so at the end of the first verse of “Do They Know It’s Christmas”… after contrasting the world of British plenty to the world of dread and fear in Ethopia, Bono belts out:

“Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you”

Was this necessary? Would the song have worked as well without it?

We won’t ever know. But going by how much controversy, attention, and outrage this one line has caused over the years… it’s possible it tipped the scales of guilt and shame needed to stir action.

So that’s the rather harsh and out-of-season message I have for you tonight.

You might feel reluctant to offend, to say something that people might find provocative, shocking, or tasteless. You might put it off and say, “It’s not the right moment now. I’ll do it after the holidays… in the New Year… once corona passes… when the Cleveland Indians win the World Series.”

Sooner or later though, this attitude means you will miss an opportunity to make a real difference.

So Merry Christmas. And let me sum up my message with a few words by the original Grinch of direct marketing, Dan Kennedy:

“There is never any need to be or behave like a prick in order to be successful, but you must be okay with some, possibly many, people thinking of you as an insufferable prick.”

And on that note, I’d like to advertise my email newsletter. It’s been praised by many people in the direct response industry… and it’s been ignored by others. If you’d like to check it out, you can sign up here.

Don’t call me insecure

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“All right, all right, I apologize.”

I want to quickly share with you a scene from my favorite comedy, A Fish Called Wanda. This scene might be instructive if you’re a marketer or copywriter.

In this scene, Kevin Kline, playing an ex-CIA assassin called Otto, forces another man to apologize.

That other man is who we see in the scene, standing stiffly against a brick wall, making the apology.

“You’re really sorry?” asks Otto, somewhere off camera.

“I’m really, really sorry,” says the other man. “I apologize unreservedly. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice.”

As he says this, the camera rotates right side up.

It turns out the other man — a barrister named Archie Leach, played by John Cleese — is not really standing against a wall. Really, he’s being dangled out of a window, held at his ankles by Otto.

And here’s why this might be relevant if you do marketing or if you write copy:

Otto the CIA assassin fancies himself a bit of an intellectual. He reads philosophy books all the time, and he’s fond of quoting Nietzsche.

But he also thinks the central message of Buddhism is “every man for himself.” And he knows for a fact that the London Underground was a political movement.

In other words, Otto is a bit of an idiot, and somewhere deep down, he knows it. That’s why his tagline throughout the movie is, “Don’t call me stupid.”

So when he secretly overhears Archie… right as Archie is about to say that Otto is stupid… well, that’s how we end up with the scene at the window.

The point is, when someone is insecure about a quality, they take any challenge to that quality very seriously.

But you probably know that already. It’s standard playground psychology.

What you might not know is that there’s another possible reaction to being very insecure about some personal quality. And that’s buying direct response offers.

Because if you are insecure about a thing… you have the belief and maybe life experience that this is a part of your life that you cannot get sorted on your own. God knows you’ve tried. That’s why you’re in the market.

Of course, not everybody who buys direct response offers is insecure. Some small fraction of people are successful already or will soon be. They are just looking for a slight edge.

But those people are the tiny minority.

For the vast majority in any direct response market, you can count on a wounded ego… at least in relation to the problem you’re offering to solve or the promise you’re making.

So if you’re smart, you’ll be aware of this self-esteem thing in your marketing and copy.

On the positive side, it can be very valuable if you just soothe and calm that insecurity.

On the negative side, it can be even more valuable if you poke and prod that very spot.

That’s why one of the most successful direct response ads of all time had the headline, “Do you make these mistakes in English?”

And it’s why Gary Bencivenga… the most celebrated copywriter of the past 50 years… used the same “Do you make these mistakes” formula when selling his own book on job interviews.

In fact, If I had anything to sell you right now, I might subtly prod some secret insecurities I know about.

But I won’t do that. I’ve got no direct response offer for you today. Well, nothing for sale. Just the free offer to sign up to my newsletter, in case you’re looking for a slight edge.

I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it—

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I used to watch a lot of Saturday Night Live back in the 1990s. There was an ongoing skit with Phil Hartman playing Stuart Smalley, ​a sappy man with a lisp and a non-Duchenne smile.

Stuart is working on improving his self-image. So in each skit, he looks at himself in the mirror, smiles his fake smile, and repeats:

“I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it, people like me.”

This was funny in the 90s. I guess this affirmation stuff was in the water back then.

It might be less funny today because today’s water contains a lower ppm of affirmations. In part, that’s due to party-pooping scientists like Joanne Wood from the University of Waterloo.

​​Back in 2009, Prof. Wood took a bunch of undergrads and had them repeat affirmations.

“I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it, people like me.”

This had a positive effect — on people who were already pretty happy with themselves.

​​But with people who had low self-esteem to start with, it had negative effect. It made them conclude the opposite and feel worse.

“I’m defective somehow… I’m too stupid… and doggone it, nobody likes me.”

My point for you is to be careful if you are a naturally gung-ho marketer, making empowering claims at your prospects.

“You’re amazing! You can do it! It’s not your fault you failed until now!”

If you resort to claims like this, you might have the intended effect on the people in your market who were born yesterday… and who haven’t yet learned to doubt themselves.

For the rest of ’em, the ones who have become disillusioned with both the offers in your market and with themselves, you’ll need another approach. You’ll need to raise your prospects’ self-esteem so they believe they are unique… smart enough… and competent enough to succeed.

How can you do this?

​​Well, I’ll write more about that down the line (you can get it in my newsletter if you like). For now, let me reveal the obvious secret that self-esteem rises not because you say so… but indirectly, because you make people feel it inside them, without any affirmations.

GROHMO trumps FOMO?

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Painful personal confession:

I went to high school right up the street from the offices of various Agora companies.

Unfortunately, this was long ago, at a time when I had never heard of copywriting. So when school would get out, I’d spend my afternoons identifying local trees and kicking cans around the abandoned cement factory.

Had I been smarter, I would have gotten a job cleaning ashtrays at Agora HQ. And bit by bit, I probably would have learned enough about copywriting to be a multimillionaire today.

I bring this up because I recently applied for a copywriting job. Not a freelance project. A proper job.

I tell myself there are lots of good reasons why I applied.

My reasons are all the stuff you can put in a cover letter:

​​I could learn a lot. It could be a step forward in my career. I like the people I might be working with.

In other words, it’s a great opportunity. And I don’t wanna miss out. Except…

Would any of this really count had I not missed out already, in a much bigger way, back in high school?

I recently heard Dan Kennedy talk about writing for the opportunity market. You know, business opportunities and get rich quick stuff. Like copywriting.

And Dan said something that matches my experience above:

Lots of times, the real motivator is not the opportunity in front of us now, which we don’t want to miss.

Rather, it’s the opportunities dead and gone, which we have missed already.

The guilt and regret over having missed out yesterday (GROHMO) is really the underlying cause that makes us susceptible to FOMO today.

And if you’re a smart marketer or copywriter, you can exploit this. You can put up a bunch of pictures of smiling and satisfied men and women and say,

“Look at them. That could’ve been you. These men and women acted when you didn’t. And look at them now. Look at how happy they are. And as for you… well… don’t feel too bad. Because I have some good news. A new opportunity just opened up…”

And it’s true:

I’ve been promoting my email newsletter for a long while. Over time, I’ve had many people sign up. They have been amused and sometimes moved along the way.

More importantly, they’ve learned a lot and they’ve been exposed to copywriting and marketing ideas, like the one above.

These ideas I share have helped my subscribers make more money, enjoy their businesses more, all while working much less.

In other words, my email newsletter is quite the opportunity. Not to be missed out on. Especially since it’s not clear how long it will go for, in case I get a proper job.

In case you want to join before the opportunity disappears, here’s where to go.

A harmless but effective trick used for decades by the most daring and successful copywriters in the world

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I did everything they told me to do.

I snuck around at night, posting bandit signs, hoping nobody would see me… I spent hours driving around, searching for junky abandoned houses… I went into places of business and, when nobody was looking, because it’s embarrassing, I put fliers on bulletin boards.

You know… all the methods that are supposed to work. Except they didn’t.

That’s a bit from a VSL I wrote last year in the real estate investing space. It’s a typical story — I tried all the usual stuff, it was confusing and humiliating and got me nowhere… then I hit upon something new and different.

Typical. What’s not typical is the guy who was telling this story:

He is a bona fide Green Beret.

​​He served in the U.S. Army Special Forces for 10 years in Afghanistan and Iraq and various classified locations. Then he got out of the army, and worked as a firefighter for a while. Then he decided to make money. So he started investing in real estate and spun off a bunch of businesses and became a multi-millionaire.

But at the start, as he told me, he was confused and unsuccessful and ashamed.

A Green Beret! Confused and ashamed!

Is it any wonder you feel the same?

The fact is, people in almost any direct response market feel shame, whether openly or deep down. How else can they respond to having a burning problem… which they’ve failed to solve, over and over?

If you’re writing copy, there are several ways you can deal with this. The weakest is to tell people, “It’s not your fault.” Fortunately, better options exist.

One is to have a real-life action hero tell you, “It was the same for me. Here, let me take you under my wing and show you what really works.”

This does two things. First, it calms that burning sense of “must be something uniquely wrong with me.” Second, it allows the reader to tap into a new source of pride. Hey! I’m now in this inner circle with a real-life commando!

And in case you’re wondering if this really works:

This VSL increased response 3x over the control. In all fairness, a part of that impressive result was the flimsiness of the control. But a part of it was capitalizing on this guy’s action-hero status and his early struggles with real estate.

“Great,” you might say. “All I need now is a sensitive and vulnerable Green Beret. Thanks for nothing.”

Hold on. No Green Beret… no problem. Take a look at this John Carlton bullet:

* Amazing trick that instantly eliminates “performance anxiety” in men! (Used for centuries by the most daring and successful lovers in the world… see page 112.)

It’s the same damn thing as above. The only difference is… who are these daring and successful lovers?

Well, the book John was selling gives a few case studies of guys who overcame performance flop.

Are they the most daring and successful lovers in the world?

Perhaps.

Or perhaps John was burning with shame at how vanilla his bullet was… so he resorted to a bit of puffery to create mystery and intrigue.

It’s a harmless but effective trick… and if it’s good enough for a legendary and super-rich copywriter like John, well…

In case you want more shame-reducing copy tactics, particularly around the topic of real estate investing, here’s a tip.

I write a daily email newsletter. Marketing, persuasion, copywriting, that kind of thing. If you’re interested, here’s where to sign up.