Inferiority

Why fhe unsubscribe

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A couple days ago, I promoted a book by marketer Denny Hatch.

Not, as said in the email, because I read the book or planned to read it.

Instead, I recommended the book based on the strength of Denny’s reputation, as well as on the endorsement of one of my own readers, Jeffrey Thomas, who felt so strongly about this book that he worked with Denny to bring it back to life after many years of being out-of-print.

I honestly recommended Denny’s book as well as I could without reading it. I gave my (rather unique) reasons why I won’t be reading it, and I gave reasons why you should. From what I can tell by my Amazon Affiliates portal, I actually drove Denny some sales.

Good deed? Bad deed?

Well, turns out Denny Hatch was subscribed to my newsletter.

Turns out he read that email from a couple days ago.

Turns out he unsubscribed today. And not only did he unsubscribe, but he wrote in to tell me so:

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Why fhe unsubscribe:

February 17, 2026 by John Bejakovic

“Today I will recommend to you a book that I have not read and that I have no plans on reading.” [the first sentence of the email I sent to promote Denny’s book]

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I’m not foolish enough to let a good “reason for unsubscribing” go to waste, even if that reason comes from a respected elder in the field.

So let me draw what lesson I can from this. It’s the most basic and fundamental lesson of them all:

Make people feel okay. In other words, make them feel seen, acknowledged, and respected.

And vice versa. If you make people feel unokay — ignored, dismissed, or disrespected — then even if you are somehow, objectively, but-why-can’t-you-see-it doing right by them, it won’t matter none.

They won’t be happy, and they will even feel the need to get back at you, to get the last jibe in.

This is such a fundamental law of human nature that I put it as Commandment I in my “10 Commandments of Con Men, Pickup Artists, etc.” book.

I’ve read that book, and I recommend it to you based on my own reading. But ok, I also wrote that book, so maybe that doesn’t count for so much.

Instead, let me share a bit of recognition and acknowledgement I just got regarding that book.

It comes from a successful online educator in the finance space. He just signed up to my list a few days ago, after reading my book and opting in for the bonus chapter. He simply wrote:

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I’m reading your book now for the 2nd time. Amazing what you can pick up the 2nd time around!

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Honestly that’s the best praise I think a book can get. I’m feeling quite okay right now as a result.

If you’d like to read my 10 Commandments book as well, maybe once, maybe twice, and learn some fundamental lessons about human nature, and how you can use them on occasion to bend reality to your will, and feel okay as a result:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

Drive X: Why people online are such brutes

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Following my email yesterday about a new 2-star review of my 10 Commandments book, a bit of a discussion developed inside my community, Daily Email House, around the topic of:

“How do you deal with trolls, critics, and know-it-alls in your audience?”

One House member replied that she “stopped caring and installed a ‘mean’ part of me that can trigger people.”

To which another House member replied with some interesting historical context:

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The Internet has been like this since the age of the dinosaurs (the 1990s) when all we had were chat room and Usenet lists to abuse each other.

Back when everything was anonymous I did the same thing: develop a “mean” persona to play online because that’s the only way to survive a forest of predators.

After online turned social [sic] and we gave up on privacy, the urge to be a jerk behind a screen never went away.

It’s convinced me that a good portion of the public suffers from some kind of mental or emotional disturbance.

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But if a good portion of the public has a mental or emotional disturbance… is it a disturbance any longer?

I’m not trying to be cute or contrary.

Rather, I think the House member above is on to a key insight about human nature.

It’s not that people are brutes by nature. But they do have a core human drive — let’s call it Drive X for the sake of mystery — which can turn them brutish.

Drive X is not the drive for sex, the way that Sigmund Freud taught.

It’s also not the drive for meaning in life, the way Victor Frankl taught.

Rather, Drive X is something entirely different, which permeates all our interactions with other human beings, online as well as offline.

When left unsatisfied, Drive X gives rise to brutish behavior.

But when Drive X is satisfied, people become open and relaxed and even compliant.

Which is why the world’s top influence professionals — from con men to copywriters to screenwriters — appeal to this Drive X and promise to satisfy it in their marks, prospects, and audiences, first and foremost, above all other considerations.

And that’s why, in my 10 Commandments book, I make Drive X the topic of the very first commandment, because it is PARAMOUNT.

If you have my 10 Commandments book already, you know what Drive X is, or you can look it up easily, at the end of Commandment I.

And if you don’t have my 10 Commandments book yet, you can find it below, and catch up to everyone who is clued in already:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

The sneaky Christmas legend of THE ONE

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Today being December 25, let me tell you a story that happened on today’s date, supposedly.

The year was some time long ago, or thereabouts.

The place was London, though whether at St. Paul’s or not the French book doesn’t say.

Merlin had told the Archbishop of Canterbury to summon all the barons to London, for a sign would appear, showing who should become king and bring the realm out of lawless jeopardy.

And sure enow, during morning mass, right around the time that I’m writing this, specifically 11:02am, a great stone appeared in the churchyard, and an anvil atop that stone, with a sword, naked to the point, stuck inside the anvil. On the sword was an inscription in gold letters, which read:

“Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise king born of all England.”

Maybe you know this story.

Lots of great knights tried to pull out the stone. They all failed.

Then on New Year’s day, a young boy named Arthur pulled out the sword, kind of by accident, and the sign was shown and the prophecy was fulfilled:

HERE WAS KING ARTHUR, NEW RULER OF THE REALM, KING OF ALL ENGLAND.

Good story, right? Right???

I don’t know whether this legend taps into something fundamental in the human psyche, or if it’s just that we’ve all been told it a million times over, in various forms.

One way or another, it’s snuck into our subconscious, where it does its damage. Because it’s not how reality works.

A few weeks ago, a member of my Daily Email House community, DTC copywriter and brand strategist Chavy Helfgott, posted a question in the group:

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I recently put a new page on my website called “Client Love”, which features screenshots of feedback I’ve gotten from clients.

And I noticed that there was a lot of really, really enthusiastic feedback there. Like multiple “wows”, “I’m amazed,” and “blown away.”

Here’s my problem: despite this great feedback, there’s this niggling little worm in my brain constantly whispering, “You’re not really good enough.”

This is problematic because it’s difficult to sell myself as THE answer to my ideal client’s problem… if I myself doubt that it is true.

I guess my question is – anyone have any ideas how to get past this hump? Why is feedback from my own clients not convincing me? How do I convince myself that my work is valuable, so I can more successfully convince others of this, so that they hire me?

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Lotsa House members chimed in with great suggestions and ideas.

The one I want to highlight today came from speechwriter and trainer Alexander Westenberg. Alexander wrote:

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I agree with pretty much everything already said, but here’s an additional two cents: You say it’s difficult to sell yourself as THE answer, but to me I don’t see why you have to?

The way I like to look at it for myself (and pretty much everything else in life) is that you don’t have to be THE answer, just AN answer.

So for me, I’m a speechwriter and trainer. I have my way of doing things, and I honestly believe in it and in the value I bring. But a) there are other speechwriters out there, and b) some people prefer AI.

I provide AN answer to the problem of how to be a powerful and persuasive speaker. I’m even happy saying I’m one of the better answers — but I’m also happy saying that people can answer that problem in other ways.

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Arthur legend notwithstanding, you don’t need to be THE ONE.

You can be ONE OF and still live a heroic life — a life where you take on great challenges that excite you, and get rewarded handsomely for your effort.

There are lots of ways you can be announce to the world you are ONE OF the better answers to whatever problem you are solving.

I think that having an online personal brand is one of the better ways to do that, though there certainly are other options.

I also think that, for having an online personal brand, an email newsletter is particularly attractive, and much easier to succeed with, though other platforms and formats can certainly work.

And if you do write an email newsletter, then I think a daily, personal-sounding email like what you are reading right now is a great way to go about it, though dailyish or weekly or occasional emails can work, and are certainly better than nothing.

And if you do choose to write daily emails, then one of the better ways to stick with it and be effective is to use daily prompts or topic categories for yourself, which keep your emails fresh and your mind focused, though of course using no structure and relying on inspiration each day is also an option.

You see where I’m going with this?

It’s an old story, one that I’ve told hundreds of times in these emails. But maybe you still don’t know how it ends? For that, take a look here, and see if you are willing to start on the journey that you are being invited upon:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

The moat of asking for help

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A few months ago got an email from copywriter Suraj Punjabi. I know Suraj from the PCM community I worked in as a coach last year.

Suraj and I exchanged a couple emails, in one of which Suraj opened up and shared some pretty personal stuff. I’m reprinting it below, with Suraj’s permission. It’s a long message but worth reading in detail if you are looking for clients, copywriting or otherwise. Says Suraj:

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I’ve been on a dry spell since April, but I finally landed a gig thankfully.

It turns out I was busy doing cold outreach that didn’t bother looking at my own data.

So in January, I did just that. Gave cold outreach a break and looked at my own data hard.

And I noticed that literally 100% of my clients for the past 5 years came from referrals through connections I made from Facebook.

I felt pretty dumb for abandoning such a proven strategy in favor of cold emailing.

So, when I went back to leveraging this strategy, I immediately started getting inbound leads.

One of them, a 9-figure powerhouse in the keto space, just became a client.

In fact, I’m starting with them TODAY.

Oh and another gig I got was working under a senior copywriter who currently has his plate full and needed help with emails.

I’ll never forget the lesson life just taught me.

Some coaches swear by cold outreach, others by Upwork, LinkedIn, or X.

They might be right in their own way.

But nothing beats looking at your own past data to see where most of your clients have come from and doubling down on that.

Of course, this is not exactly newbie stuff. You need to have solid data. And I have 5 years worth.

Since PCM until today, I have sent at least 5000 cold outreaches using different strategies.

I have done PCM, I have tried sending conversation starters…

I have tried sending personalized Looms to show them how they can get more subscribers to their list…

I have pitched low risk offers like helping them write a blog just to get my foot in the door.

I made a LinkedIn profile and paid monthly for the premium subscription.

I even went back to Upwork to compete against $10/email copywriters! 🤢🤢🤢🤢

And none of those strategies held a candle to simply reaching out to my Facebook network and asking for help.

Not saying those other strategies don’t work. Perhaps they do work for some people (I know PCM works for A LOT of people), but it didn’t work for me.

Felt like a fish being told to fly. haha.

I felt so stupid when I realized it.

But oh well.

Lesson learned.

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Two things to point out:

The first is the obvious — expert opinion doesn’t mean much compared to your own direct experience.

The second is less obvious, and it’s where Suraj says, “And none of those strategies held a candle to simply reaching out to my Facebook network and asking for help.”

Asking for help.

Most people don’t have a problem asking for the time, or for directions, or for a book to borrow.

But asking for help finding work — something that suggest genuine unokayness on your part — is something that few people are willing to do.

I never really did it when I was a freelance copywriter, and in need of work, except tentatively, with a few previous clients. (Even that rare and hesitant asking for help got me new leads.)

All that’s to say:

Asking for help works. People like feeling helpful, useful, and important.

At the same time, most people won’t ever ask for help, not in things like getting work, because it’s too threatening to the ego.

That just means that, if you can get over your own hesitations about asking for help, then you’ve just created a kind of moat around yourself and your success, which the hordes of others in your industry are not able to swim, jump, or walk across.

That’s my message for you today.

My offer to you today is my new 10 Commandments book, because this asking for help is actually Commandment I in the book.

It’s easy to read this book and think, “Oh these are interesting ideas, maybe I could use one of them in an email or a headline.”

But the fact is, each of the commandments in this book deals with the fundamentals of effective communication, and each is applicable to pretty much any problem you might be facing, whether personal or business. If you haven’t yet gotten your copy:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

Top 3%

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I just finished playing today’s Which Year puzzle. I wrote about Which Year yesterday:

A new puzzle game, currently trending on, or speeding along, the digital superhighway.

Which Year shows you photos, and you try to guess the year the photo was taken. The closer the better.

Yesterday, I made the claim that the main reason Which Year has quickly gained popularity is not the core idea (solid, even if it’s nothing magical), but the tweak, taken from Wordle, that new puzzles are only available once a day, and everybody gets the same.

But there’s another big reason for Which Year’s fast success, and it’s again taken from Wordle:

After you finish puzzling today’s Which Year puzzles (5 separate images), you see your score compared to everyone else in the world.

I placed in the top 3%, and am very proud to tell you so, which is really the point of meh email today. The point goes all the way back to one of the founders of psychotherapy, Alfred Adler.

Adler disagreed with Freud that sex is the basis of man’s struggle in life. Instead, Adler believed that a feeling of inferiority was the core human experience and drive.

You might think I’m really stretching this email, having started out with a trending puzzle game 10 sentences ago and now telling you about psychotherapy and inferiority as the basis of human experience.

But that’s kind of Adler’s point. Wanting to not feel inferior — not wanting to be first necessarily, but definitely not wanting to be last, or close to last — is a key driver of everything we do, all the time. It’s the reason for the clothes we choose, the vacations we take, and the games we play, whether hidden (such as Mine Is Better Than Yours) or overt (Which Year).

Translate that to marketing and business, and you get:

If you wanna motivate people, then appeal to what’s already motivating to them. Bolt a bit of scarcity or inferiority-avoidance onto your core idea — solid, even if nothing magical — and you can create a global hit. Or at least something that’s not in last place, or close to last.

So much for motivation. In other news:

This morning, I’ve shipped off the draft of my new 10 Commandments book to a few friends for feedback. While that’s happening, I would like to remind you of my own daily puzzle game, which integrates some fundamental human motivators that I cribbed from Wordle. You can find out more about it here:

​https://bejakovic.com/deh

P.S. Yesterday, I asked three “Which Year” text puzzles. Here are the answers:

1. The first (and so far only) killer swamp rabbit attack on a U.S. president happened on April 20, 1979. (The president was Jimmy Carter.)

2. Nutella debuted on Italian store shelves on April 20, 1964.

3. Oil prices dropped below zero (if you could buy a lot, and have somewhere to put it), on April 20, 2020.

“You’re pretty funny”

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A few days, I ago got an email from copywriter and business strategist Nadia Dalbani, who wrote:

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John.

I’ve read 3 of your emails in a row. I haven’t had time to read them the past few days, so I had to have a read-a-thon (a John-a-thon!).

Anyway, I’m so close to buying Daily Email Habit even though I totally read the sales page and you DID say don’t buy this if you don’t plan to *actually* have a Daily Email Habit – I only email my list once a week, so I initially left like yup, NOT for me.

But I can confirm, even reading your emails in reverse order, I am definitely more convinced to start an every single day email habit due to your pitches.

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I remember hearing a story once about how Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into an actual fist fight on the set of Saturday Night Live.

The two apparently hated each other. It all came to a boil one day when Murray said to Chase, “You’re pretty funny.”

Chevy Chase then started swinging.

I’ve always wondered why “pretty funny” is such an insult, at least if you think of yourself as funny. It’s much more insulting than, say, “not funny.”

(If you have any insight on this for me, write in and let me know.)

In any case, that’s a little how I felt after reading Nadia’s email.

“Pretty good email. Pretty, pretty good. Almost got me. But not quite.”

Nadia lives in London. After I read her message, I started getting ready to buy a ticket so I could fly there, confront her in person, and maybe start a fight.

Fortunately, yesterday I got a new message from Nadia, just in time:

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Alright, alright, it took, like, 3 more emails, but you got me. I’m mega excited to start Daily Email Habit 😄

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Like I say, this is particularly fortunate, not only because it will prevent an ugly confrontation on the streets of London, but because it also backs up the very premise of Daily Email Habit.

For one thing, the emails Nadia responded to were based on prompts I sent out as part of Daily Email Habit. (I eat my own dog food most days.)

For another thing, this little case study backs up the general principle of putting out a daily email… gradually building up desire… gradually chipping away at objections… all while keeping readers interested enough that they keep opening and reading your emails.

This is really what Daily Email Habit is there to help you do.

And if you are thinking of getting started, I can only recommend you act now.

My Prospective Profit Price event is coming to a close tonight at 12pm midnight PST.

After that, the price for Daily Email Habit goes up from a modest $20/month to a wallet-busting $30/month.

Also, Daily Email House, the lively community that I’ve created for those who write more or less daily emails, will stop being a free bonus tonight at midnight.

If you have any questions, or to join now, take a look at this pretty good sales page:

https://bejakovic.com/deh