John Bejakovic

In the land of the warm-bathers, the November swimmer is a hero

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One morning in late November, I decided to go swimming in the sea. I got to the shore, stripped down to my swimming panties, and started to hop on the cold stones towards the water.

An old woman walking her dog stopped to watch, mouth agape.

“You’re going in?” she asked.

“I am,” I said.

“But it’s cold!”

“We will see.”

I got in the water, swam a minute or two, and got out. The old woman was still there. She was thrilled I had survived. “You are a hero!” she shouted, clapping her hands.

I shrugged it off. “It was nothing.”

It really was nothing. The water wasn’t cold at all. It was probably warmer than the Pacific Ocean in California gets in July. Only the locals in this country, who refuse to get in the sea unless the sun has brought it to a low boil, could crown me a hero for going for a swim now.

Which connects to something I read today in a Dan Kennedy sales letter. The sales letter is selling a course on how to become a more successful copywriter.

At one point of this sales letter, Dan gives the reader reasons NOT to buy his course. One reason he gives is that you really don’t have the chops to do decent work, and to deserve a decent wage. In that case, Dan says, maybe you should stick to only the smallest clients, and only the most limited projects.

Has that thought ever crossed your mind? If it has, I want to leave you with what Dan writes next:

“You should remember copywriter John Francis Tighe’s favorite admonition: in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. You need only know more than the client and enough to produce results he could not get on his own. You do not need to know more than every copywriter, most copywriters. If that governed, there’d never be more than one working copywriter, period.”

Check it:

If you want regular copywriting tips, which occasionally touch on the business of copy, you might like my email newsletter.

Gimmick positioning

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The Schmo and The Pro is a series of YouTube video interviews.

The Pro in this case is a professional mixed martial artist, usually signed to the UFC.

The Schmo is the interviewer. He’s a youngish guy, wearing BluBlocker sunglasses… dressed in a patterned Hugh Hefner-style blazer…. and sporting a Zangief haircut.

When the Schmo asks his well-researched and reasonable questions, he bares his teeth. He twists his face out of shape. He makes claw-hand gestures.

It’s an example of gimmick positioning. In other words, a Mickey Mouse coat hanger to hang your product/service/hat off.

Stupid right? Why would anyone want to humiliate themselves by hiding behind a gimmick?

Well, how about a million dollars:

Copywriter Will Ward recently turned me on to the story of Blue Kirby. It’s some anonymous guy’s Twitter handle.

All summer long, Blue Kirby posted memes related to a crypto project, creating a ton of hype.

A few months later, Blue Kirby cashed in on the hype and disappeared. Along with about a million dollars’ worth of ethereum in his digital pocket.

Now it’s possible this could have been done by just some guy using his real name, say, Jesse McAverage.

But my gut feeling is the Blue Kirby gimmick was instrumental in the attention this guy got… and the million dollar bubble he was able to create.

In case I have your attention now, maybe you’re wondering how somebody — not you, of course — might go about creating a gimmick for himself.

Well… I shared a few ideas about this with my Bejakomaniacs. That’s the name I’ve just coined for subscribers to my email newsletter, following the example of Hulk Hogan. If you too would like to be in the rank of Bejakomaniacs, so you get all my positioning ideas, here’s where to go.

Obnoxious writing, or, the harsh mathematics of direct response

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Amazing. Free. New. Breakthrough.

Fascinating. Shocking. Secret.

Now.

I’ve started keeping a list of highly inflammatory direct response words.

You can see some of them above. There’s no sense in me sharing the rest. Everybody who is in this business has to pluck these words up for him or hoyself. And then comes the hard part:

You have to actually use them.

I say “hard part” because chances are you are a little like me.

Maybe you find typical direct response writing obnoxious.

Maybe you say, I would never read this, much less buy this “easy genius opportunity.”

Maybe you think you can be the one to talk to people modestly and simply… and convince them with your earnest speech to listen.

Maybe you can.

I certainly cannot.

After years of writing copy for money, the harsh mathematics of direct response is slowly dawning on me.

A typical sales letter goes out to thousands or hundreds of thousands or millions of people.

If only 98 out of 100 of those people look at your sales letter and say, “Ugh”… then you’ve done good, as long as the remaining 2 buy.

And if a measly 95 out of each 100 people think your writing is obnoxious and repulsive… while those remaining 5 didn’t notice, because you put them in a drooling trance… then you’ve got a ticket to ride.

Speaking of repulsive, maybe that’s what you should focus on the next time you write copy.

​​Rather than trying to appease people who are offended by ugly, hard-hitting, direct response copy… maybe you should actively aim to drive them away. Because as marketer Ben Settle reports:

“In fact, I have found the more I repel the people I don’t want, the more I automatically turn on the people I do. And the more I do this, the more my sales go up. The less I do it, the less my sales go up.”

In closing:

I have an email newsletter. If you are just looking for “swipes,” then subscribing to my newsletter won’t do you any good. Save yourself the effort. However, if you are a business owner who wants to hear what’s working now, at least with the clients I work with… or if you are a copywriter who is interested in those genius secrets of the business… then you may get some value out of it. Here’s where to go to subscribe.

Burn objections out of your prospect’s mind using nothing more than a tiny success

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What’s the Spanish word for “different”?

I don’t speak Spanish. But here’s a trick:

When a word in English ends in “ent,” you can tack on an “e” at the end. More often than not, you get the right Spanish word.

So try it now.

Tack an “e” onto “different.” You get “differente.” And that’s how the Spanish and about 200 million South Americans would say it in their own tongue. Same with persistente, permanente… you get the gist.

With a few simple rules like that, an English speaker gets around 3,000 words in Spanish for free.

Not bad. Definitely enough for basics of conversation. Also more than most adult language learners ever manage to memorize.

I learned about this in a teach-yourself-Spanish course called Language Transfer. This course is available for free online. But if it wasn’t… everything I just told you would be a hell of a thing to put into a sales letter to promote and sell this course.

Because demonstration is the most powerful form of proof.

And if you can demonstrate to your prospect that he’s already on his way… then much of his skepticism and doubt will disappear.

By the way, this is not limited to language learning only.

As just one example, there’s Gene Schwartz’s famous “BURN DISEASE OUT OF YOUR BODY” ad. It ran successful for over 20 years. I’m sure that part of its success was that, under subhead three, it gives you an exercise you can try for yourself. “Sit or stand, with your hands simply extended in front of your chest…” You will feel the energy flowing, and your heart getting stronger.

One final point:

You don’t need to give away the farm. Just give your prospect a tiny success, right there on the sales page. If you can do that, you will burn objections out of his mind. What’s going to be left is an innocent and pure desire to buy your product… and find out what else it can do.

Ok, now for business:

I write an email newsletter about marketing and persuasion. If you like, click here to subscribe to it.

Wounded children walking

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“Every man you’ve ever known, loved, and trusted has lied to you.”

That was the sentence that Chris Haddad tacked on at the front of one of his VSLs in the relationship niche. Chris says this one sentence doubled conversions.

So what’s going on?

Well, the sentence is shocking. And shocking pattern interrupts work well at the start of a VSL to attract attention. But there’s more to it than that.

I heard a successful copywriter say that if you take a product’s features, you can ask “So what?” to get to the benefit of that feature.

And you can ask “So what?” again, to get to the benefit of that benefit.

And you can keep asking the same “So what?” question… until you get to the end. And the end is always the same:

“So I can feel better about myself.”

This same copywriter summed it up with a self-help quote. “We are all wounded children walking around in adult bodies.”

For somebody who’s in the direct response relationship market, that wound might be a broken promise or rejection or harm early on in life… which has trailed this person like a hungry shadow ever since.

In other parts of the direct response world, the wound might be something different.

But everybody — at least everybody who’s of interest to you if you write copy — has such a wound. And if you can address it right at the start of your message, like Chris did with his VSL… then the right people will listen.

Listen:

I have an email newsletter where I write about persuasion and copywriting. If you consider yourself to be a smart, ambitious person, and you have uncomfortably high standards for yourself… then you might find it valuable. You can subscribe here.

To freelance copywriters who can’t promote themselves

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Smartasses always say that if you’re a freelance copywriter worth a rusty nickel, you should be able to write and sell yourself.

Stupid, I think.

For one thing, it ignores the value of having an outside perspective. In fact, outside perspective is one of the main reasons to ever work with a freelancer, rather than do it in house. This holds for businesses. It holds for freelance copywriters too.

The above claim also ignores the facts of life. Such as the fact that the type of person who is likely to become a freelance copywriter is as afraid of self-promotion as a cat is afraid of water.

When you put those two together, you get the following:

You can be just great at marketing and copywriting overall… but terrible at applying that same knowledge to promoting yourself.

Case in point:

I read an email today from a marketer I follow and like very much. He has great content and a unique perspective and style.

But here’s the self-marketing mental block:

At the end of his email, he writes, “Can I ask for a tiny favor? Would you share this with one other person?”

From the side, it’s easy to point out problems with this.

It sounds needy. And why ask for a favor, when you can do a favor?

People refer stuff because they want to feel important, smart, and appreciated. So why not say something like,

“Do you know somebody who would benefit from reading what you just read? Why not be that cool friend, and forward them this email?”

As Claude Hopkins once wrote, “offer a privilege, not an inducement… appear as a benefactor, not as a salesman.”

Do you know anyone who might benefit from reading this? Then be a cool friend, and let them know about my email newsletter.

How to fake exciting discovery stories

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Tony Robbins once shared a stage with a knight’s suit of armor.

At one point during his talk, Tony got close to the knight. Terrible static appeared on his mic. When he walked away, the static stopped.

The next time Tony got close to the knight, terrible static shot up again. He stepped away. The static stopped.

The third time it was about to happen, people in the audience started shouting. “Don’t get close to the knight!”

It turned out later than an ambulance in the neighborhood was somehow messing with Tony’s sound equipment. Once the ambulance left, the sound problems disappeared. It wasn’t the knight at all.

The human brain needs causation like a hot dog needs mustard. “Terrible sound! What’s behind it? It must be the knight!”

This works really well much of the time.

Sometimes it goes wrong, like in the Tony Robbins story above.

And in rare cases of clever persuasion… it can be used to lead people by the nose. For example:

During a webinar last year, Parris Lampropoulos analyzed a sales letter. It was written by his most successful copy cub.

The lead starts off with a true story of a 104-year-old scientist who won the Nobel Prize for her discoveries related to brain stuff.

The gist was this old lady saying, “I feel sharper now than when I was 20!”

The sales letter goes on to talk about the woman’s discoveries… and how the supplement for sale ties into her amazing research.

Now rewind.

Did you catch that?

It’s the same trick as with the knight above, at least for my hypergullible brain.

Because when I read this sales letter, my brain concluded, “Oh, she feels sharper because of her brain stuff discoveries. And this supplement is a way for me to tap into that, and get back what little I had when I was 20.”

But the sales letter doesn’t say that anywhere. The quaint old lady could have been feeling great because of her genetics… or because of her daily regimen of drinking beet juice. We just don’t know.

What we do know is that, when you’re writing copy, it’s best to have a genuine breakthrough coupled with an exciting discovery story.

But if you don’t have that… you can cheat. Just roll your breakthrough onto the stage… and then bring out an exciting story that’s not really about this discovery. Put them next to each other. Your prospect’s brain will do the rest.

Now rewind.

Did you catch that?

This whole article was a way of eliminating people who aren’t interested in persuasion or copywriting. Since you made it to the bottom, maybe this stuff interests you. In that case, you might like to sign up for my email newsletter.

A completed sale: more like a male or a female orgasm?

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A few weeks ago, I opted in on a website for an ebook on buying a sailboat.

I can’t sail, by the way. The only time I’ve ever been on a sailboat was a one-hour episode on a dinghy in Tel Aviv… which ended with my friend and me running the boat onto a crowded beach.

But back to marketing:

I opted in. I then got an email with the ebook. The content was fun, well-researched, and informative. I was ready for more.

But more never came. Until two weeks later, when a second email arrived.

By that point, my sailboat-buying forest fire had cooled to a well-controlled stovetop flame. I couldn’t even remember the sender’s name any more. I barely skimmed the second email and didn’t click any of the links.

You see my point.

In the strange world of direct response marketing, perhaps the strangest thing is the value of recency.

​​The more recently somebody expressed interest in something, the better a prospect they make. So far, that might make sense.

But where it gets strange is this holds even when somebody just bought.

So for example, had I bought a book on getting a first sailboat… that would actually be the ideal time to offer me a second book, on pretty much the same topic.

Maybe this seems strange because marketing has been a male-dominated world. On some Freudian level, maybe we men compare it to our own experiences of satisfaction in another field. Because the male orgasm leaves its owner sated, at least for a while.

But it seems to me a completed sale is more like a female orgasm. From what I’ve seen in my limited sexual experience, that event makes its owner immediately eager for more of the same.

Maybe this is something to keep in mind if you’re scheduling your followup campaign. It might require getting out of your own head a bit.

To help you out, here’s a related, somewhat politically incorrect quote from an ancient book I’m reading:

“I have again and again heard ladies, who come to visit us, say that all other delights in the world are but toys in comparison with that which a woman enjoyeth, whenas she hath to do with a man. […] I have heard say that one cock sufficeth unto half a score hens, but that half a score men can ill or hardly satisfy one woman.”

If you like sexual analogies, you won’t like my daily email newsletter. Otherwise, you can try it out here.

Hard-work positioning

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Three quick positioning stories for good night:

In 1960, Crest toothpaste had a 10% share of the market.

Not bad, but not great either. After all, Crest at that time was the only toothpaste with fluoride, which helped prevent cavities. But nobody cared, or nobody believed Procter & Gamble.

So P&G approached the American Dental Association. They showed the dentists a bunch of science. Crest was suddenly “the only toothpaste with the endorsement of the ADA.”
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​​Within two years, sales of Crest tripled. And Crest became the no. 1 toothpaste brand in The Land of The Fruit Stripe Gum.

Story two I won’t tell in detail. Because if you’ve been in marketing for a bit, you’ve probably heard how Tom Monaghan used smart positioning to create a billion-dollar brand out of a bad product.

The bad product was a low-quality pizza. The smart positioning was to say, “Delivered in 30 minutes or it’s free.” The brand was Domino’s.

Third and final story, also about pizza:

John Schnatter started out making pizza in an oversized closet. The pizza was good and John’s chain grew to 1000 locations across the country. But you ain’t seen nothing yet…

Because in a meeting with positioning guru Jack Trout, Schnatter mentioned offhandedly how he used Dino’s sauce.

“Dino’s sauce?” asked Trout. “But Dino only sells to mom-and-pop shops. He doesn’t sell to chains.”

Trout called up the Dino in question to confirm. It was true.

So Trout said, that’s your story. Papa John’s new positioning became, “Better ingredients, better pizza.” The company grew five-fold in the years following the positioning change.

There’s a common positioning strategy hidden in each of those stories. You probably see it. But in case you don’t, then you might like to get on my daily email newsletter. That’s where I share these kinds of stories — but I also spell out the hard-work lessons hidden within.

Zoolander-safe direct response levers

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Maybe you know the graveyard scene from the absurd comedy Zoolander:

Derek Zoolander, a really really good-looking male model played by Ben Stiller, meets former hand model JP Prewett, played by David Duchovny.

They’re meeting in a graveyard at night. Because Duchovny has a dangerous secret to reveal… male models committed all the biggest assassinations in history! And Derek is next in line.

“But why male models?” Derek asks.

“Because they are perfect,” Duchovny says. Male models are in peak physical condition… they get access to the most exclusive locations… and they don’t think for themselves.

Derek ponders on this for a minute. And then he scrunches up his forehead, pouts out his lips, and asks,

“But why male models?”

Don’t judge.
​​
Because for years, I was asking one question in the same stupid way. And then earlier this week, I heard a marketing talk by Dan Kennedy.

The subject was segmentation. It’s not a complicated concept:

You have your audience or your space of prospects. But instead of marketing to everybody… you market to only a segment of the whole.

“But why segmentation?”

Lean in Derek. I’ll tell you the explanations I’d heard for years.

Segmentation is the only way to make expensive direct mail work. You only pay to mail to people who are most likely to buy your offer.

“Ok, go on…”​​

Segmentation is also a smart way to avoid pissing off your email subscribers. Don’t send them stuff they don’t care about, and they won’t unsubscribe.

“I see…”

But I didn’t really. I kept pondering on this many times over the years.

And like Derek Zoolander, each time I scrunched up my forehead, pouted out my lips, and asked once again,

“But why segmentation?”

Well, it finally clicked. Or rather, I heard Dan Kennedy explain it, and it pierced my thick male-model skull.

The real reason you segment is to increase response.

Because when you segment your list, you know something extra about the people you are writing to. You can take that extra info and stuff it into your message.

For example:​
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R​ather than mailing out a sales letter with the headline, “How to increase your IQ by 30 points in the next 90 days”…

Your headline can read, “How beautiful but dimwitted male models can get equally beautiful brains before Milan Fashion Week 2021.”

When you segment, your message becomes more targeted. Your copy becomes more specific. And your response becomes more up.

This is just one of the many simple direct response levers that even Zoolander could pull to make an unprofitable campaign profitable… or to make a worthless business worthwhile.

Which brings me to my offer of partnership and investment opportunity from yesterday. In case you didn’t read it, you can read the archived version here.