A few nights ago, I was lying in my plush bed, smoking a cigar and tossing grapes into my mouth one by one.
Life was good.
I had just sent out my email about the prestigious Dig.This.Zoom event. It was only a matter of time now.
A bit of movement in the corner of my bedroom caught my eye. It was my laptop, open to my Gmail inbox. A new email had arrived. I could just make out the subject line:
“Your form, ‘John Bejakovic consult request’, has a new response”
“Sooner than I expected,” I smirked, “but I’m not surprised.”
In that email about the Dig.This.Zoom event, I had successfully associated myself with heavyweight marketers Aaron Winter and Dan Ferrari. I ended that email with my consulting offer.
Clearly, I thought, some smart business owner, who owns a profitable niche business I would never have even dreamed about, and who reads my daily newsletter religiously, realized he could make much more money with my advice and guidance.
That business owner is now reaching out to offer to pay me in advance… if only he can get a bit of time on my calendar, and the opportunity to have my highly trained eyes locked critically on his email funnels, until I find small changes that can lead to big improvements.
I slid out of bed lazily and made my way to my laptop.
I imagined myself a few months down the line, getting an email from said business owner. The email would say:
“John I was skeptical when we first did the consult. But we made the changes you suggested. And now we’re making 11x what we were before from the same email funnel. I’m over the moon! I’m sure you don’t need yet another glowing testimonial. But if you ever want to use this publicly to let the world know how incredible you are, please go ahead. It would be an honor for me.”
“Well okay, if it would be an honor for you,” I said to my empty bedroom as I clicked the Google Forms link. “Let’s see who the lucky business owner is today. I wonder what mysterious and surprising line of work he is in.”
My ugly Google form opened up. My mouth hung open. My face sank.
There it was. My newest consulting request. The successful business owner from that surprising new niche I had been fantasizing about. The request read, in its entirety,
“I am a Nigerian direct response copywriter. I want to learn from you.”
I wasn’t sure what bothered me more. The fact that my fantasy had been popped, and that this was the polar opposite of the ideal consulting lead I was dreaming about. Or perhaps it was just the utter lack of effort involved in this “consulting request.”
“Learn from me? Learn what? How to write self-deprecating emails like this one? How to make ugly Google Forms? How to approach people in a way that shows you are serious about working with them and respectful of their time?”
I wasn’t sure how I could possibly respond to this request in a sensible way that didn’t waste more of my time. And then I realized I should just do it in a daily email to my list.
I also remembered a bit of philosophy I’ve long held near to my heart:
It’s always your fault.
That might not sound like the healthiest way to go through life. But it’s served me well.
If things ever go in the completely wrong direction, away from where I want to be, then like David Byrne, I always ask myself, “Well, how did I get here?”
Because pianos don’t just fall out of the sky and land on your head. You have to walk under them first, as they are hanging by a fraying rope. You have to stand around, spinning aimlessly from side to side, while that rope gets more and more frayed. And you have to make sure you never look up until finally the rope snaps.
So dear Nigerian direct response copywriter, if you are reading, don’t feel like I am picking on you.
It was my fault for not being sufficiently clear who my consulting offer was for, and what it was about.
If you’d like to learn from me — I assume how to write copy, but who knows — then my suggestion would be to wait another week.
That’s when I will reopen my Copy Riddles program.
Copy Riddles is a way to learn copywriting from me, in a very compact and affordable package. Much more affordable than the thousands or tens of thousands of dollars it would take if you want to get the equivalent knowledge from me in a series of one-on-one consults.
But perhaps you are not that Nigerian direct response copywriter looking to learn from me.
And perhaps now you have a clearer idea of my consulting offer is about. And perhaps you even think it might be smart for you, and for your business.
If so, fill out the ugly Google Forms form below. No need to go overboard. But give me more detail about you and your business than just saying, “I want to learn from you.”