One time, when I was around 24 or 25, I was standing in a checkout lane at a Safeyway.
This was in Baltimore, where I had gone to high school, and where I had just moved back after going to college out of state.
Anyways, I was in line. The cashier rang me up. The guy bagging the stuff bagged it all up, looked at me and said,
“Excuse me, is your name John?”
I stared at him for a second.
“I’m Chris,” he tried to explain. “I think we went to high school together.”
Sure enough, we did, for one semester in 9th grade. And we were good friends for that one semester.
I didn’t recognize him. He had grown about 5 inches, put on about 50lbs, and lost about all of his hair.
“Oh hi,” I finally said. And I smiled an eyeless smile, nodded, and walked out with my groceries.
Silence.
It’s been about 15 years since this happened. And I still wince each time I remember this interaction. Literally. I winced just now.
Why was I so awkward?
Why didn’t I stay and talk to the guy?
Why did I freeze up instead of clapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Jesus, you’ve grown man. I didn’t recognize you. And where did the hair go?”
I just winced again. But here’s the point.
Marketing genius Perry Marshall once gave a talk. And about an hour into this talk, he brought up his “symptom numero uno of the human condition and everything we don’t like in our life.” Says Perry, this something is the bottom layer of everything that plagues us. And it’s all pervasive — it’s the water that we swim in.
So what is this nasty, all-present, suffocating thing that Perry is talking about?
It’s shame. Shame about things we’ve done. About things we haven’t done. About how we look. About our place in life. About our mistakes, omissions, shortcomings, defects, desires, needs, vulnerabilities, deep and dark secrets, failures. Shame.
If you believe Perry, then shame is something you have to be aware of whenever you’re communicating with anybody about anything.
And of course, when you’re trying to persuade. Such as in your copy and in your marketing efforts.
But shame is kind of like live dynamite. You need to use it wisely.
And responsibly.
If you want to see some examples of using shame, in what I think were wise and responsible ways, take a look at the following: